¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What did you do with your first salary? What were the things you bought? Did you give it to someone?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*¼·
2022-12-30 597

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Well, as I remember it, the things that I received a first salary to change my smart phone and electronic device like an wireless earphones and laptop. Also, I didn't give my money to my parents before I got a salary. But sometimes, I used to do it. :)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Nice work, Elic! Thank you for your efforts in this homework. First of all, I just want to greet you a happy new year! You have been so amazing this year! Pat yourself on the back because you've made it and you worked hard in 2022. Please review the corrections I have placed here. All are very simple corrections, just some alternative sentences which makes the sentences have complete thoughts. Thank you once again for your efforts in making your homework every day! Keep it up!

- Teacher Raven 

Well, as I remember it, the things that I received a first salary to change my smart phone and electronic device like an wireless earphones and laptop.
>> Well, if I remember correctly, I bought a new smart phone and some electronic devices like wireless earphones and a laptop with my first salary.
Also, I didn't give my money to my parents before I got a salary.
>> Also, I didn't give some of my salary to my parents.
But sometimes, I used to do it.
>> But I do it sometimes.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124376 12/23 °í*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-12-23 6
124375 Homework (12/22) ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-23 3
124374 How many books have you read in English? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-23 1
124373 Are you good at socializing with others? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-12-23 1
124372 11/22 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 1009
124371 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 512
124370 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 3
124369 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 1184
124368 Did you enjoy reading as a child? What kind of books did you... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 689
124367 What are the advantages and disadvantages of receiving an... ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 1778
124366 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 924
124365 22.Dec.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 2
124364 journal ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 2
124363 Play chaos! ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 852
124362 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 0
124361 Adorable dogs. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 647
124360 HOMEWORK: Do you know why Christmas is celebrated around the... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 2
124359 homework ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 1078
124358 When in Rome, do as the Romans do ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 2102
124357 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-22 683

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04