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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

If you could run a company or a business, what kind of business would you be interested in?

작성자: 김*문
2022-12-29 814

회원님의 영작문

Many people expect they can be the rich through operating company or own their business. And it is easy to access to private business if they have money. But as I mentioned, business needs lots of experiences and information like location, preference and population. So, I am not that interested in running company. But, if I make own company, I will focus on pet. Increasing the number of one person household, most people raise pet because of loneliness. The interest to pet will be not decreased, rather increased. Especially as pet is accepted as a member of family, people want to feed organic food and snack even though they are expensive. And, vitamin and medicine for pets’ health are also popular between people. My younger sister is also interested in pet’s forage. So, I can hire my sister as my company’s worker. Furthermore, I want to make medicine company to extend lifespan. I hope they live longer with us, especially my pet, Maru.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Mary. I would want a company like that too.

Many people expect they can be the rich through operating company or own their business. 
>>> Many people expect they can be rich through operating a company or owning their business.   
And it is easy to access to private business if they have money. 
>>> And it is easy to have access to private business if they have money.  
But as I mentioned, business needs lots of experiences and information like location, preference and population. 
>>> correct 
So, I am not that interested in running company. 
>>> So, I am not that interested in running a company. 
But, if I make own company, I will focus on pet. 
>>>  OR: But, if I make my own company, I will focus on pets.  
Increasing the number of one person household, most people raise pet because of loneliness. 
>>>  Due to the increasing number of one person household, most people raise pet because of loneliness. 
The interest to pet will be not decreased, rather increased. 
>>>  The interest to pet will not be decreased, rather increased.  
Especially as pet is accepted as a member of family, people want to feed organic food and snack even though they are expensive. 
>>> correct 
And, vitamin and medicine for pets’ health are also popular between people. 
>>> correct  
My younger sister is also interested in pet’s forage. 
>>>  correct 
So, I can hire my sister as my company’s worker. 
>>>  correct 
Furthermore, I want to make medicine company to extend lifespan. 
>>>  correct
>>> OR: Furthermore, I want to make a medicine company to extend their lifespan. 
I hope they live longer with us, especially my pet, Maru.
>>>  correct
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