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영작교정 게시판

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Do you agree that casual clothes can help students express themselves better?

작성자: 김*문
2022-12-12 829

회원님의 영작문

When we walk on the street, we can find various people wearing different clothes. Clothes show their personalities well. So, some of them tell wearing whatever they want even in school is important for freedom. But, I think they can wear casual clothes in weekends. It is enough to express themselves. Most teenagers cares surrounding environment too much. They wonder and worry about how do they look like. Someone will wear expensive and fancy clothes but, someone won't. Furthermore, some students who are raised by grandparents or busy parents, their appearances are obviously different with others. Rather giving them freedom, helping them get along with each other as same students is important and essential. And, students will just focus on freedom and the teachers will be hard to control them when they wear indecent ones. For these reasons, wearing uniforms is better than letting them wear clothes freely, There are lots of ways to express oneself.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Mary!

When we walk on the street, we can find various people wearing different clothes. 
>>> correct  
Clothes show their personalities well. 
>>>   correct   
So, some of them tell wearing whatever they want even in school is important for freedom. 
>>>   correct   
But, I think they can wear casual clothes in weekends. 
 >>> correct  
>>> OR: But, I think they can wear casual clothes on the weekends. 
It is enough to express themselves. 
>>>   correct   
Most teenagers cares surrounding environment too much. 
>>>  Most teenagers care about their surrounding environment too much.  
They wonder and worry about how do they look like. 
>>> correct    
Someone will wear expensive and fancy clothes but, someone won't. 
>>> correct    
Furthermore, some students who are raised by grandparents or busy parents, their appearances are obviously different with others. 
>>> correct   
Rather giving them freedom, helping them get along with each other as same students is important and essential. 
>>> Rather than giving them freedom, helping them get along with each other as same students is important and essential.   
And, students will just focus on freedom and the teachers will be hard to control them when they wear indecent ones. 
>>>  And, students will just focus on freedom and the teachers will have a hard time to control them when they wear indecent ones.  
For these reasons, wearing uniforms is better than letting them wear clothes freely.
>>> correct  
 There are lots of ways to express oneself.
>>>  correct 
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