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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Homework

작성자: 김*우
2022-12-12 900

회원님의 영작문

Hello, T.Donna.
It’s already Sunday.
In Korea, today is Monday.
Time flies.
Two days ago, we went to ‘Polynesian cultural center’, and we watched many traditional performances.
There were many tribes in Hawaii; Hawaii, Fiji, Tonga, Tahiti, Samoa, and Aotearoa.
Each tribe has own their songs and dances, and it was very interesting.
Among those, I liked Hawaii dance the most.
They taught us the dance ‘Hula’.
Meanwhile, Samoan treated fire very well.
They showed burned stick performance, so we were so surprised.
We ate foods in Buffet restaurant for our dinner.
There were so many foods, however, their water tasted weird, so I lost my appetite.
My daughters enjoyed desserts, though.
Yesterday, we went to the hotel’s pool.
It was too small, nevertheless, my kids had a good time.
After that, we went to the beach’Waikiki’.
My daughters enjoyed a sand play there.
For our dinner, we went the restaurant nearby, and we ordered some pizza, steak, noodles, and beers.
See you.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Dr. Kim!

I think everyday is an exciting day in Hawaii! Now, you have experienced a different kind of culture and your children have seen so many things they have never had before. I am sure that some of the performances are your first time to witness as well. Nevertheless, the point of these cultural performances is to show the beauty of the people in a place. I am surprised that you memorized all the tribes! That is amazing. Since you learned the Hula, your hips must be soft to sway back and forth along with your ladies by now. I learned to dance this too five years ago and it was very challenging. ^^

It's unfortunate to learn about how their water tastes like. As you know, in the island, there is limited supply of water, so they have to treat the water and convert it into a potable water for drinking. Just order Coca Cola or a bottled one when you are in doubt. Most importantly, your children enjoyed. There is no better feeling for parents than to see their children having  a great time. They are very lucky kids, I must say. Then, for the last four days, have a relaxing as well as a memorable time like the other days.

Thank you for sending me this homework. I am sure that you will experience mor activities today, hence, you have more things to write about. For my grammar suggestions, always be cautious about possessive pronouns, and the use of 'the'. You have done a great job in writing, carry on!

See you soon.

-T. Donna~

Hello, T.Donna.
>> Correct!

It’s already Sunday.
>> Correct!

In Korea, today is Monday.
>> Correct!

Time flies.
>> Correct!

Two days ago, we went to ‘Polynesian cultural center’, and we watched many traditional performances.
>>  Two days ago, we went to the ‘Polynesian cultural center’, and we watched many traditional performances.

There were many tribes in Hawaii; Hawaii, Fiji, Tonga, Tahiti, Samoa, and Aotearoa.
>> There are many tribes in Hawaii; Hawaii, Fiji, Tonga, Tahiti, Samoa, and Aotearoa.

Each tribe has own their songs and dances, and it was very interesting.
>> Each tribe has its own songs and dances, and it was very interesting.

Among those, I liked Hawaii dance the most.
>> Among those, I liked the Hawaii dance the most.

They taught us the dance ‘Hula’.
>> Correct!

Meanwhile, Samoan treated fire very well.
>> Correct!

They showed burned stick performance, so we were so surprised.
>> Correct!

We ate foods in Buffet restaurant for our dinner.
>> We ate food in the buffet restaurant for our dinner.

There were so many foods, however, their water tasted weird, so I lost my appetite.
>> Correct!

My daughters enjoyed desserts, though.
>> My daughters enjoyed the desserts, though.

Yesterday, we went to the hotel’s pool.
>> Correct!

It was too small, nevertheless, my kids had a good time.
>> Correct!

After that, we went to the beach’Waikiki’.
>> Correct!

My daughters enjoyed a sand play there.
>> My daughters enjoyed the sand play there.

For our dinner, we went the restaurant nearby, and we ordered some pizza, steak, noodles, and beers.
>> Correct!

See you.
>> Correct!
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