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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Homework

작성자: 김*우
2022-12-07 1583

회원님의 영작문

Hello, T. Donna.
It’s already Tuesday here.
As I said, we took a photo with Hawaiian photographer.
After that, as I promised to my daughters, I bought expensive ice creams to them in the dessert shop.
We enjoyed swimming in the pool this afternoon, as same of yesterday.
We found the interesting water slide, so Irene and I rode it many times.
Other two daughters and my wife didn’t try it though, because of the fear.
We also went to the beach near the artificial lake.
We tried to catch a fish, but we failed.
For our lunch, we ate hotdogs with relish and many sauces.
For our dinner, we wanted the new foods, so we ordered a tuna, BBQ chicken, fish and chips.
Those were delicious, but not special.
On my way to our room, I saw an old American couple couldn’t use the elevator, so I helped them.
In evening pool time, I met an old Japanese couple, and we talked for a short time.
This is the last night in this hotel.
If possible, I will swim tomorrow morning.
See you~~

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Dr. Kim!

I am sure that the photos will remind you of how beautiful your vacation in Hawaii is. The photographer wanted to capture 'love' as its theme, so these photos are for keeps. They are not expensive for nothing.

By now, you are so enganged and one with Hawaii's nature. I heard that the air there is very clean since there no factories and pollution on that island. Encourage your other daughters and your wife to be a little bit adventurous by joining you in trying some rides or slides. Meanwhile, catching fish is so exciting! It could have been your dinner, so better luck next time.

Well, your daughters pretty much love hotdogs,  and some America street food and dishes. They are so easy to please. 

Being brave to start a conversation at the pool by being kind, helpful, and just by being friendly can give you a lot of opportunities to speak. Hence, go out and create opportunities to speak English.

This composition presents vivid and very rich descriptions of your activities, keep it up! Also, study the grammar suggestions carefully.

See you at noon!u

-T. Donna~

Hello, T. Donna.
>> Correct!

It’s already Tuesday here.
>> Correct!

As I said, we took a photo with Hawaiian photographer.
>> As I said, we took photos with a Hawaiian photographer.

After that, as I promised to my daughters, I bought expensive ice creams to them in the dessert shop.
>> Correct!
Or: After that, as I promised to my daughters, I bought them expensive ice creams in the dessert shop.

We enjoyed swimming in the pool this afternoon, as same of yesterday.
>> We enjoyed swimming in the pool this afternoon as yesterday.

We found the interesting water slide, so Irene and I rode it many times.
>> Correct!

Other two daughters and my wife didn’t try it though, because of the fear.
>> My other two daughters and my wife didn’t try it though because of fear.

We also went to the beach near the artificial lake.
>> Correct!

We tried to catch a fish, but we failed.
>> Correct!

For our lunch, we ate hotdogs with relish and many sauces.
>> Correct!

For our dinner, we wanted the new foods, so we ordered a tuna, BBQ chicken, fish and chips.
>> For our dinner, we wanted new food, so we ordered a tuna, BBQ chicken, fish, and chips.

Those were delicious, but not special.
>> Correct!

On my way to our room, I saw an old American couple couldn’t use the elevator, so I helped them.
>> Correct!

In evening pool time, I met an old Japanese couple, and we talked for a short time.
>> In the evening pool time, I met an old Japanese couple, and we talked for a short time.

This is the last night in this hotel.
>> Correct!

If possible, I will swim tomorrow morning.
>> Correct!

See you~~
>> Correct!
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