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서비스 입니다.

What computer games do you think is popular among people your age?

작성자: 김*문
2022-12-05 950

회원님의 영작문

Computer games are important for teenagers because they consider as way to get along with friends. Actually, teenagers or 20s(male) usually go to PC room when they meet friends. Also, they become closer even though they are awkward. So, computer games that can play with multiple are popular. Furthermore, people in my age love competition games. There should be winner and loser. It stimulates their self-esteem, so they play games for over 5 hours to go higher and higher. No one want to get behind with their game ranks. That's why most games show people's ranking. At last, people usually do games to relieve their stress. They want to get out of the reality and find more sensational methods. When they shot a gun and attack someone, they feel cool and refresh. Also, they delude themselves as strong and powerful people. It leads people to buy expensive items. Especially, people usually love game youtuber who spend much money buying rare items.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Mary!

Computer games are important for teenagers because they consider as way to get along with friends. 
>>>   Computer games are important for teenagers because they consider it as a way to get along with friends. 
Actually, teenagers or 20s(male) usually go to PC room when they meet friends.
>>>  correct  
Also, they become closer even though they are awkward. 
>>>   correct  
So, computer games that can play with multiple are popular. 
>>>  So, computer games that can be played with multiple players are popular.  
Furthermore, people in my age love competition games. 
>>>   correct 
There should be winner and loser.
>>> There should be a winner and a loser.  
It stimulates their self-esteem, so they play games for over 5 hours to go higher and higher. 
>>>   correct  
No one want to get behind with their game ranks. 
>>> No one wants to be behind with their game ranks.   
That's why most games show people's ranking. 
>>>   correct  
At last, people usually do games to relieve their stress. 
>>>   correct  
They want to get out of the reality and find more sensational methods. 
>>>   correct  
When they shot a gun and attack someone, they feel cool and refresh. 
>>>   When they shot a gun and attack someone, they feel cool and refreshed.
Also, they delude themselves as strong and powerful people. 
>>>   correct   
It leads people to buy expensive items. 
>>>   correct   
Especially, people usually love game youtuber who spend much money buying rare items.
>>>  Especially, people usually love game youtubers who spend much money buying rare items. 

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