¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the bad sides of being overweight? What are the things that a person needs to do in order t

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*¼·
2022-11-30 1525

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Well, I guess there are many things that being overweight. You can get a cancer easily and will die too. If you want to lose your weight, The motivation that you must have is in order to do that.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Nice explanation, Elic. However, I noticed that your included some extra articles such as ¡®a¡¯ or ¡®that¡¯, that are somewhat misplaced. Try to review my corrections here just like the first one, I included ¡°that come with¡± because you need to explain the consequences of being overweight. So as the other items. Please take note of my corrections so you can apply them in future homework. 


Teacher Raven :)



Well, I guess there are many things that being overweight.

>> Well, I guess there are many things that come with being overweight.

You can get a cancer easily and will die too.

>> You can get cancer and have shorter lifespan.

If you want to lose your weight, The motivation that you must have is in order to do that.

>> If you want to lose weight, the motivation that you much have is how to avoid have such illnesses.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123120 Homework ¼Û*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 1952
123119 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 2
123118 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 1953
123117 Who is the best person to talk to when you have the blues? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 1987
123116 About the trip! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 2076
123115 About good things of siblings ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 0
123114 Use these words in sentences ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 1567
123113 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 0
123112 collecting ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 2
123111 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 1807
123110 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 1727
123109 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 1263
123108 What is the first thing that you always do when you visit a new... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 1
123107 How have your political views changed during your life? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 1815
123106 How old are your grandparents? How often do you see your... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 1416
123105 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 1
123104 What would you do if you have a misunderstanding with a... À±*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 2980
123103 What is your bag made of? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 1
123102 Do the attitude of people determine the beauty of a place? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-10-20 2
123101 Have you planned for your retirement? At what age should someone... Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-10-19 1962

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04