¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the bad sides of being overweight? What are the things that a person needs to do in order t

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*¼·
2022-11-30 1358

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Well, I guess there are many things that being overweight. You can get a cancer easily and will die too. If you want to lose your weight, The motivation that you must have is in order to do that.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Nice explanation, Elic. However, I noticed that your included some extra articles such as ¡®a¡¯ or ¡®that¡¯, that are somewhat misplaced. Try to review my corrections here just like the first one, I included ¡°that come with¡± because you need to explain the consequences of being overweight. So as the other items. Please take note of my corrections so you can apply them in future homework. 


Teacher Raven :)



Well, I guess there are many things that being overweight.

>> Well, I guess there are many things that come with being overweight.

You can get a cancer easily and will die too.

>> You can get cancer and have shorter lifespan.

If you want to lose your weight, The motivation that you must have is in order to do that.

>> If you want to lose weight, the motivation that you much have is how to avoid have such illnesses.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123982 Besides Christmas, there are other special days around the end... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 752
123981 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 3
123980 relationship ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 1
123979 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 0
123978 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 0
123977 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 639
123976 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 746
123975 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 2
123974 How do sports players show respect after a game? Are there any... ±è*½Ä ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 1
123973 Which do you think is the best season for a vacation? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 770
123972 How does money make you happy? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 770
123971 What time of day is best for exercising? Why? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 0
123970 12/2 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 925
123969 If you were an actress, what publicity do you want? Share your... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 739
123968 Some new sports are called \'extreme sports\'. What are some... ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 752
123967 Ms.Lyn I told you I would like to write stories, not... ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 759
123966 Good at my jobs ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 2
123965 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 646
123964 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 692
123963 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 670

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04