¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the bad sides of being overweight? What are the things that a person needs to do in order t

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*¼·
2022-11-30 1366

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Well, I guess there are many things that being overweight. You can get a cancer easily and will die too. If you want to lose your weight, The motivation that you must have is in order to do that.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Nice explanation, Elic. However, I noticed that your included some extra articles such as ¡®a¡¯ or ¡®that¡¯, that are somewhat misplaced. Try to review my corrections here just like the first one, I included ¡°that come with¡± because you need to explain the consequences of being overweight. So as the other items. Please take note of my corrections so you can apply them in future homework. 


Teacher Raven :)



Well, I guess there are many things that being overweight.

>> Well, I guess there are many things that come with being overweight.

You can get a cancer easily and will die too.

>> You can get cancer and have shorter lifespan.

If you want to lose your weight, The motivation that you must have is in order to do that.

>> If you want to lose weight, the motivation that you much have is how to avoid have such illnesses.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124082 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-12-09 0
124081 12/8 homework ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-12-09 0
124080 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-09 2
124079 lost ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2022-12-09 0
124078 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-09 1
124077 My best friend is¡¦ ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-12-09 867
124076 Do you think you can be a vegetarian? Why or why not? ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-12-09 752
124075 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-09 650
124074 What is one historical place that you hope you will one day get... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-09 1037
124073 ¿µÀÛ Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-09 944
124072 Homework 12/9 °í*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-12-09 4
124071 The difference of Seoul and countryside ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-09 0
124070 Where is the best place to shop in your city? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-09 0
124069 Do you think you should tell your secret passcodes to people you... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-09 786
124068 8.Dec.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 2
124067 obesity in Korea ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 842
124066 Which is more powerful between feelings of love and feelings of... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 998
124065 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 3
124064 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 709
124063 HOMEWORK: Why are goals important? Is having a goal in life... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04