¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the bad sides of being overweight? What are the things that a person needs to do in order t

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*¼·
2022-11-30 1780

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Well, I guess there are many things that being overweight. You can get a cancer easily and will die too. If you want to lose your weight, The motivation that you must have is in order to do that.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Nice explanation, Elic. However, I noticed that your included some extra articles such as ¡®a¡¯ or ¡®that¡¯, that are somewhat misplaced. Try to review my corrections here just like the first one, I included ¡°that come with¡± because you need to explain the consequences of being overweight. So as the other items. Please take note of my corrections so you can apply them in future homework. 


Teacher Raven :)



Well, I guess there are many things that being overweight.

>> Well, I guess there are many things that come with being overweight.

You can get a cancer easily and will die too.

>> You can get cancer and have shorter lifespan.

If you want to lose your weight, The motivation that you must have is in order to do that.

>> If you want to lose weight, the motivation that you much have is how to avoid have such illnesses.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123635 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-17 45
123634 Homework ¼Û*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-11-17 3
123633 Which character from a book, movie or TV program would you like... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 1715
123632 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 1
123631 Describe your favorite cafe ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 23
123630 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 1960
123629 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 1824
123628 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 0
123627 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 2134
123626 Do you believe human activities contribute to climate change? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 1590
123625 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 2
123624 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 2025
123623 Is reading in a second language a good way to practice that... ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 2562
123622 What social media do you use these days? Why do you prefer... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 2317
123621 The most memorable ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 0
123620 What is a typical meal like from your country? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 0
123619 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 1
123618 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 0
123617 What is the best way for police to keep neighborhoods safe? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 2463
123616 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-16 2144

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04