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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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서비스 입니다.

Essay

작성자: 김*현
2022-11-23 1635

회원님의 영작문

The standards for good sons and daughters have changed greatly with the times. It can be divided into pre-Joseon, Joseon, and modern times. Before the Joseon Dynasty, It was a country with Buddhist ideas, so It had a relatively horizontal atmosphere compared to Joseon.
However, the Joseon Dynasty was not the case because it was an era dominated by Confucianism. The son had to be loyal to his parents, and became a successful person if he passed the past examination.
The daughter had to be loyal to the man. In fact, even in modern Korea, this aspect has not disapeared. Gender conflicts due to gender differences are continuing, and only universities are the best goals in adolescence. Even though the goal does not have to be unconditionally a university.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Harry, I believe that you're doing well. You just need to slow down and minimize hesitating and repeating or changing your words and sentences. Stick to what you have said already. The more you change your answer, the more mistakes you will commit. ^_^
T. Irene
The standards for good sons and daughters have changed greatly with the times. 
>>> The standards for children as good sons and daughters have changed greatly with the times. 
It can be divided into pre-Joseon, Joseon, and modern times. 
>>> These changes occurred in three periods of time: pre-Joseon, Joseon, and modern times. 
Before the Joseon Dynasty, It was a country with Buddhist ideas, so It had a relatively horizontal atmosphere compared to Joseon.
>>>  Before the Joseon Dynasty, our country was influenced by Buddhist ideas. So we had a relatively calm atmosphere compared to Joseon.
However, the Joseon Dynasty was not the case because it was an era dominated by Confucianism. 
>>> However, it was not the case in the Joseon Dynasty. It was an era dominated by Confucianism. 
The son had to be loyal to his parents, and became a successful person if he passed the past examination.
>>>  The son had to be loyal to his parents, and became a successful person so he needs to pass the past examination.
The daughter had to be loyal to the man. 
>>> On the other hand, the daughter had to be loyal to her husband.
In fact, even in modern Korea, this aspect has not disappeared. 
>>> Correct. 
Gender conflicts due to gender differences are continuing, and only universities are the best goals in adolescence. 
>>> Gender conflicts due to gender differences are still present, and attending universities is the goal of young people. 
Even though the goal does not have to be unconditionally a university.
>>> Though, the goal need not have to be purely a university.
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