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What would the world be like if there was no marriage?

작성자: 황*하
2022-11-21 1600

회원님의 영작문

Although, many people don't want to get married, they would like to meet someone for dating because people feel lonely and it is one of the important desires. I believe that couples would like to live together but no marriage and babies. They want to help each other but don't want to take each role as a man or a woman. Aging society already become a serious social problem. We have disscussed that who will pay for old people like pension, hospital fees and basic income because there will be more elderly than young people who can work. It is well known that unmarried people refuse to marrige due to the finance status. They have a lot of problem encountered to solve. First of all, they need to pay their debt back once they graduate from the university. After that, they struggle to get a job, but there are a few companies which offer good salary and welfare. Lastly, they don't want to have babies, although they get married because they are not affordable to raise children.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

Although, many people don't want to get married, they would like to meet someone for dating because people feel lonely and it is one of the important desires. 
>> CORRECT! 
I believe that couples would like to live together but no marriage and babies. 
>> CORRECT! 
They want to help each other but don't want to take each role as a man or a woman. 
>> CORRECT! 
Aging society already become a serious social problem. 
>> Aging society already becomes a serious social problem. 
We have disscussed that who will pay for old people like pension, hospital fees and basic income because there will be more elderly than young people who can work. 
>> We have discussed that no one will pay for old people like pension, hospital fees and basic income because there will be more elderly than young people who can work. 
It is well known that unmarried people refuse to marrige due to the finance status. 
>> It is well-known that unmarried people refuse to get married due to their financial status. 
They have a lot of problem encountered to solve. 
>> They have encountered a lot of problems to solve. 
First of all, they need to pay their debt back once they graduate from the university. 
>> CORRECT! 
After that, they struggle to get a job, but there are a few companies which offer good salary and welfare.
>> CORRECT! 
Lastly, they don't want to have babies, although they get married because they are not affordable to raise children.
>> Lastly, they don't want to have babies, although they get married because they can't afford to raise children.
 
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