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Do you agree that the recent tragedy in Itaewon could have been prevented?

작성자: 황*하
2022-11-07 1394

회원님의 영작문

There are a lot of terrible indents happened in my country these days. It is one of the horrible accidents that might be prevented. What if police officers answered to emergency calls from many citizens, public officers went into actions to control people, public transportations, especially, the nearest subway stations are controlled, it could be prevented that had a lot of dead and injuried people. There wasn't a host to hold an event but we all knew that huge people would be there to celebrate Halloween. The city government had submitted a report but they didn't think there would be a dangerous situation because it was ok a year ago. We have already studied the importance of central government's role, if there is a serious incidents from the previous accidents. The president expressed the condolence to family of victims and he promised to find the responsible person and punish strongly. Even though, the message from our president, people are angly because it is just to defence polit

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


There are a lot of terrible indents happened in my country these days. 
>> There are a lot of terrible incidents that happened in my country these days. 
It is one of the horrible accidents that might be prevented. 
>> CORRECT! 
What if police officers answered to emergency calls from many citizens, public officers went into actions to control people, public transportations, especially, the nearest subway stations are controlled, it could be prevented that had a lot of dead and injuried people. 
>> CORRECT! 
There wasn't a host to hold an event but we all knew that huge people would be there to celebrate Halloween. 
>> There wasn't a host to hold an event but we all knew that a huge number of people would be there to celebrate Halloween. 
The city government had submitted a report but they didn't think there would be a dangerous situation because it was ok a year ago. 
>> CORRECT! 
We have already studied the importance of central government's role, if there is a serious incidents from the previous accidents. 
>> We have already studied the importance of central government's role, if there is a serious incident from the previous accidents. 
OR >> We have already studied the importance of central government's role, if there are serious incidenst from the previous accidents. 
The president expressed the condolence to family of victims and he promised to find the responsible person and punish strongly. 
>> The president expressed his condolences to the family of victims and he promised to find the responsible person and punish strongly. 
Even though, the message from our president, people are angly because it is just to defence polit
>> Even though the message was given by our president, people are angry because it is just to defend politics.

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