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영작교정 게시판

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What were the causal factors of the accident?

작성자: 김*율
2022-11-01 1002

회원님의 영작문

Itaewon was a big tragidy that made parents of 286 people cry. The incident happened so fast and so unexpectedly. The people that went to heaven that day, they were smushed on the road but they could still breathe and live. When the Itaewon people fell down like dominos, they panicked and fainted. ( If you fanit, your body slows down pulse & breathing so slow that it seems like it stopped. I you stay in that state for over 5~7 minutes, well, tragidy.) Some people say that Itaewon happened because some young teenagers had slipped in the base of the hill. The peole on the top of the hill though, didn't know what was going on. They kept pushing so that they could move on. And the people got all cramped. So thats what most people suppose. Like you said, I think people should keep a social distance in crowded places.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Kristine! I also feel sorry for them. I'm sending my sending healing prayers and comforting hugs. May our Lord bless and comfort them during this time of grief. I'll see you in class! ~ T. Lyn
Itaewon was a big tragidy that made parents of 286 people cry. 
>>What happened to Itaewon was a great tragedy that made 286 parents cry.
The incident happened so fast and so unexpectedly. 
>>Correct. The incident happened to so quickly and so unexpectedly.
The people that went to heaven that day, they were smushed on the road but they could still breathe and live.
>>Those people who were about to go to heaven that day were able to survive, breathe, and live even if they were trampled on by the road.
When the Itaewon people fell down like dominos, they panicked and fainted. 
>>The people of Itaewon fell like dominoes, panicked, and passed out.
( If you fanit, your body slows down pulse & breathing so slow that it seems like it stopped. 
>>When you faint, your body slows your pulse and breathing, making it appears as if you have stopped living.
I you stay in that state for over 5~7 minutes, well, tragidy.) 
>>Staying in that state for more than 5-7 minutes is a tragedy.
Some people say that Itaewon happened because some young teenagers had slipped in the base of the hill. 
>>Some people say that the cause of the incident in Itaewon was that teenagers slipped and fell down a hill.
The peole on the top of the hill though, didn't know what was going on. 
>>But the people at the top of the hill did not know what was going on.
They kept pushing so that they could move on. 
>>Correct. They kept pushing to keep going.
And the people got all cramped. 
>>Correct.
So thats what most people suppose. 
>>That's what most people think so.
Like you said, I think people should keep a social distance in crowded places.
>>As you said, I think social distancing should be maintained in crowded places.
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