¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Claire\'s Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*¿¬
2022-10-12 1750

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

What do you think is the worst invention of mankind?
I think the worst invention is the gun.
Guns are often abused for crimes, terrorism, etc. I can hear a lot of news about accidents that are related to guns.
Governments stipulate the use of guns, but bad things happen regardless of the rules or hopes.
Also, guns are used as the most common weapons in war.
In my opinion, guns perhaps made the situation worse. If guns weren't invented, fewer people could have lost their lives.
Not only humans, guns are killing animals too.
Guns are used for hunting animals.
I hope no more people gets hurt of lose their lives because of guns.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Claire!
I'm so impressed! This was very close to perfection! You wrote this so well. I'm proud of your improvements. See you next week! ^^
~~Teacher Kate 

I think the worst invention is the gun.
>>CORRECT!
Guns are often abused for crimes, terrorism, etc. 
>>CORRECT!
I can hear a lot of news about accidents that are related to guns.
>>CORRECT!
Governments stipulate the use of guns, but bad things happen regardless of the rules or hopes.
>>Governments regulate the use of guns, but bad things happen regardless of the rules or limitations. 
Also, guns are used as the most common weapons in war.
>>CORRECT!
In my opinion, guns perhaps made the situation worse. 
>>CORRECT!
If guns weren't invented, fewer people could have lost their lives.
>>CORRECT!
Not only humans, guns are killing animals too.
>>CORRECT!
Guns are used for hunting animals.
>>CORRECT!
I hope no more people gets hurt of lose their lives because of guns.
>>CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124172 The three adjectives best describe amusement park. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 767
124171 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 0
124170 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 587
124169 five ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 1
124168 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 1
124167 What was the best thing for you today? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 843
124166 Homework 12/14 °í*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 7
124165 What is the coldest month in your country? What temperature does... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 708
124164 Transportation to prefer when I travel ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 805
124163 How can South Korea achieve its long-sought goal of a free and... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 891
124162 What kind f books do you read? Why do you like it? ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 998
124161 How does a change in temperature affect your feelings? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 826
124160 ¿µ Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 775
124159 Where would you like to spend your winter vacation? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 0
124158 Have you experienced bad service lately? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 0
124157 How do you feel about your parents growing older? Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 763
124156 homework 1 ÀÌ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 1
124155 Homework(12/13) ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-13 1
124154 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-13 2
124153 HOMEWORK: What time of year is the best weather where you live?... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2022-12-13 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04