¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Claire\'s Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*¿¬
2022-10-12 2097

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

What do you think is the worst invention of mankind?
I think the worst invention is the gun.
Guns are often abused for crimes, terrorism, etc. I can hear a lot of news about accidents that are related to guns.
Governments stipulate the use of guns, but bad things happen regardless of the rules or hopes.
Also, guns are used as the most common weapons in war.
In my opinion, guns perhaps made the situation worse. If guns weren't invented, fewer people could have lost their lives.
Not only humans, guns are killing animals too.
Guns are used for hunting animals.
I hope no more people gets hurt of lose their lives because of guns.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Claire!
I'm so impressed! This was very close to perfection! You wrote this so well. I'm proud of your improvements. See you next week! ^^
~~Teacher Kate 

I think the worst invention is the gun.
>>CORRECT!
Guns are often abused for crimes, terrorism, etc. 
>>CORRECT!
I can hear a lot of news about accidents that are related to guns.
>>CORRECT!
Governments stipulate the use of guns, but bad things happen regardless of the rules or hopes.
>>Governments regulate the use of guns, but bad things happen regardless of the rules or limitations. 
Also, guns are used as the most common weapons in war.
>>CORRECT!
In my opinion, guns perhaps made the situation worse. 
>>CORRECT!
If guns weren't invented, fewer people could have lost their lives.
>>CORRECT!
Not only humans, guns are killing animals too.
>>CORRECT!
Guns are used for hunting animals.
>>CORRECT!
I hope no more people gets hurt of lose their lives because of guns.
>>CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
127593 Please use this word in a sentence: 1. excited ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 1
127592 Hw ÃÖ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 782
127591 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 1130
127590 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-19 916
127589 Homework ¿ì*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 810
127588 Walking and sleep are a good prescription for mental care to me. ÀÌ*¿õ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 2
127587 Write three ideologies you want to have or believe in. ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 4
127586 Homework ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 797
127585 I want to learn languages skill. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 1370
127584 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 3
127583 What toy do you enjoy playing the most? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 1174
127582 homework ½Å*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 1226
127581 homework 04.18 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 1124
127580 How many languages do you know? Would you like to learn more? Á¤*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 1032
127579 Are friends sometimes more important than family? ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 5
127578 It¡¯s more important for school children to learn about their... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 0
127577 Homework ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 1380
127576 How many languages do you know? Would you like to learn more? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 1147
127575 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 0
127574 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-18 1399

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04