¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Claire\'s Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*¿¬
2022-10-12 2270

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

What do you think is the worst invention of mankind?
I think the worst invention is the gun.
Guns are often abused for crimes, terrorism, etc. I can hear a lot of news about accidents that are related to guns.
Governments stipulate the use of guns, but bad things happen regardless of the rules or hopes.
Also, guns are used as the most common weapons in war.
In my opinion, guns perhaps made the situation worse. If guns weren't invented, fewer people could have lost their lives.
Not only humans, guns are killing animals too.
Guns are used for hunting animals.
I hope no more people gets hurt of lose their lives because of guns.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Claire!
I'm so impressed! This was very close to perfection! You wrote this so well. I'm proud of your improvements. See you next week! ^^
~~Teacher Kate 

I think the worst invention is the gun.
>>CORRECT!
Guns are often abused for crimes, terrorism, etc. 
>>CORRECT!
I can hear a lot of news about accidents that are related to guns.
>>CORRECT!
Governments stipulate the use of guns, but bad things happen regardless of the rules or hopes.
>>Governments regulate the use of guns, but bad things happen regardless of the rules or limitations. 
Also, guns are used as the most common weapons in war.
>>CORRECT!
In my opinion, guns perhaps made the situation worse. 
>>CORRECT!
If guns weren't invented, fewer people could have lost their lives.
>>CORRECT!
Not only humans, guns are killing animals too.
>>CORRECT!
Guns are used for hunting animals.
>>CORRECT!
I hope no more people gets hurt of lose their lives because of guns.
>>CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129382 james Á¶* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2062
129381 homework ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2064
129380 What do you do or eat you feel sleepy when studying? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2906
129379 Korean coffee shops ±è*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2078
129378 Today\'s my homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2327
129377 What is my favorite food? ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 3295
129376 Do you think historical movies are important to be watched? Why? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1
129375 Should a person get plastic surgery to make themselves have a... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 3466
129374 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 0
129373 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2622
129372 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 0
129371 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 0
129370 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 0
129369 HOMEWORK FOR 05/15 Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1
129368 WRITING TASK: What would you like to share about Korea that most... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 4
129367 HOMEWORK FOR 05/12 Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 1
129366 Homework ¼Û*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2876
129365 Do you think people who exercise are happier than those who... ¹Ý* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 3801
129364 7.7.Fri Ȳ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2705
129363 7.6.Thu Ȳ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-07 2085

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04