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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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Homework

작성자: 김*우
2022-10-06 2581

회원님의 영작문

Hi.
It's already Thursday, weekend is coming.
In my clinic today, there was no serious problem.
One of staffs quitted though.
It's alright.
Maybe I seem to get used to this situation.
Meanwhile, I had job interviews with two people, and Dr. MJ and I were satisfied with their attitude and experience, so we decided to let them join us.
I think there are so many people that will do good at my clinic.
Thus, I try to not worry about staffs.
In today's interview, a volunteer had a good impression; polite greeting, formal clothes, adequate smile, wise question, soft voice, and good eye contact.
Those elements are important in any first meeting.
Hence, we should try to have those things, if we want to make our first impression better.
In addition, listening to someone carefully is also important.
Because most people like to talk about themselves.
It's not difficult to listen to other.
And I think listening is so effective to get a mind.
My car is calling me, so I gotta go.
Catch you tomorrow.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello there, Dr. Kim!

I wish you all the best in your clinic today. Since you spend most of your waking hours there with your staff and Dr. MJ, maintaining positive and amibale relations is the best way to communicate with each other, most especially to your patients' needs.

All of us want to make the perfect first impression. Sometimes, people focus so much on their looks while other, prepare for their thoughts. When you do the latter, you just have to look fine. Meanwhile, others are just exceptional by being so captivating and memorable- this is once in a blue moon. Nevertheless, being respectful and having a sound personality are are still the basic elements of a great first impression.

Your homework had the perfect transition from one idea to another. Your style is impeccable and your grammar is getting better all the time. Carry on with your wise work and diligenc always.

See you on the next composition!

Have an enjoyable weekend!

-T. Donna~

Hi.
>> Correct!

It's already Thursday, weekend is coming.
>> Correct!

In my clinic today, there was no serious problem.
>> Correct!

One of staffs quitted though.
It's alright.
>> Correct!

Maybe I seem to get used to this situation.
>> Correct! 
Or:  Maybe, I seem to get used to this situation. (Add a comma.)

Meanwhile, I had job interviews with two people, and Dr. MJ and I were satisfied with their attitude and experience, so we decided to let them join us.
>> Correct!

I think there are so many people that will do good at my clinic.
>> Correct!

Thus, I try to not worry about staffs.
>> Thus, I try not to worry about our staff.

In today's interview, a volunteer had a good impression; polite greeting, formal clothes, adequate smile, wise question, soft voice, and good eye contact. 
>> Correct! 

Those elements are important in any first meeting.
>> Correct!

Hence, we should try to have those things, if we want to make our first impression better.
>> Correct!

In addition, listening to someone carefully is also important.
>> Correct!

Because most people like to talk about themselves.
>> Correct!
Or: This is because most people like to talk about themselves.

It's not difficult to listen to other.
>> It's not difficult to listen to others.

And I think listening is so effective to get a mind.
>> And I think, listening is so effective to know one's mind.

My car is calling me, so I gotta go.
>> Correct!
Or: I got to go. (For formal speech.)

Catch you tomorrow.
>> Correct!
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