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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Homework

작성자: 김*우
2022-10-05 2788

회원님의 영작문

Good evening.
This morning, I had a good time with my wife.
We rode a bicycle together.
Although my wife fell down five times, she was not afraid of riding.
Hence, I was so proud of her, and looked up to her.
After riding, we ate a japanese style noodles; named Genroku Woodong.
I ate too much, and I regretted it.
About today's our clinic, one of staffs quitted because of low salary.
She was supposed to get more salary next month.
What a shame!
However, we have a plenty of staffs these days, so we don't need to worry about it.
There was a worse thing today.
Some staffs in the information desk made mistakes many times.
I wish it will be better.
Today's homework is about a first impression of me.
Actually, many friends of mine talked to me that I seemed to be unkind, unfriendly, and even rude at first.
So, I tried to change my impression; especially made smile as many as I can.
Lately, my close friends told me that I changed into a good impression.
What do you say to my first impression?

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Dr. Kim!

What a sweet moment you had with your wife! I hope that you can have more bonding time together when you get more free time and when your children are in school. Quality time is rare nowadays.

What a real shame indeed for the staff leaving and will receive a pay increase soon. Money can really change people and decide to leave. So, you might want to discuss your salary matrix with Dr. MJ. 

First impressions are so crucial. Sometimes, there may be no more second chance to meet someone and undo a bad first impression. So, we always have to put our best foot forward in meeting people for the first time. Well, I remember the first day of our class. I greeted you, "Hi, Geun Woo!". After you told me that you are a doctor, I called you "Dr. Kim" immediately. Maybe I have much respect for doctors because it is a very noble job. Furthermore, you spoke so clearly and you were very careful in pronouncing your words. Then, I thought, you have been speaking in English for a long time. I knew that all doctors in South Korea must speak English and your speech was crystal clear and the tone of your voice was very kind and moderate.

After you wrote me your very first composition homework, it also gave me the impression of your hardwork and dedication to the things you do. You are passionate, driven, family-oriented and focused, as well as a true gentleman who loves a sip of whiskey and an exquisite taste of food if given the chance.

What I like about your writing here on this composition are your expressions such as "What a shame!", among others. Keep up this style. It adds flavor and character to your writing. For the rest of my suggestions, check them out below.
Have a great night!

-T. Donna~

Good evening.
>> Correct!

This morning, I had a good time with my wife.
>> Correct!

We rode a bicycle together.
>> Correct!

Although my wife fell down five times, she was not afraid of riding.
>> Correct!

Hence, I was so proud of her, and looked up to her.
>> Correct!

After riding, we ate a japanese style noodles; named Genroku Woodong.
>> Correct!
Or: Japanese

I ate too much, and I regretted it.
>> Correct!

About today's our clinic, one of staffs quitted because of low salary.
>> Today in our clinic, one of the staff quitted because of low salary.

She was supposed to get more salary next month.
>> Correct!

What a shame!
>> Correct!

However, we have a plenty of staffs these days, so we don't need to worry about it.
>> However, we have plenty of staffs these days, so we don't need to worry about it.

There was a worse thing today.
>> Correct!
>> There was a worse thing that happened today.

Some staffs in the information desk made mistakes many times.
>> Correct!

I wish it will be better.
>> Correct!

Today's homework is about a first impression of me.
>> Correct!
Or: Today's homework is about my first impression from people.

Actually, many friends of mine talked to me that I seemed to be unkind, unfriendly, and even rude at first.
>> Actually, many friends of mine told me that I seemed to be unkind, unfriendly, and even rude at first.

So, I tried to change my impression; especially made smile as many as I can.
>>  So, I tried to change my impression; especially smiling as much as I can.

Lately, my close friends told me that I changed into a good impression.
>> Lately, my close friends told me that I changed into having a good impression.

What do you say to my first impression?
>> What do you say about my first impression?
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