¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think of cosmetic surgery?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Àü*ä
2022-10-04 2484

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't prefer the cosmetic surgery. But I also tried the cosmetic surgery.
I tried double eyelid surgery. Nowadays the double eyelid surgery is common thing. And I think this is the problems. Any surgery are dangerous. It couldn't be a common, or light things. Young people are want to try cosmetic surgery to be make a beautiful face, body. It is a sad phenomenon.
I think they watched beautiful stars on TV shows, or on Youtube.
Also It would be a disadvantages of media.
Cosmetic surgery has a serious side effects. If it comes, they would be lose
their face and never turn back. We should be learn this part before to be a adult. Excessive surgery should be avoided. Natural is the best.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there, Eun Chae!
Thank you for accomplishing this writing activity.  Keep on practicing English because every day you learn new vocabulary and patterns.  It's better you do something to improve instead of delaying the results. ^^

~T. Maine


I don't prefer the cosmetic surgery. 
>>I don't prefer cosmetic surgery. 
But I also tried the cosmetic surgery.
>> But I also tried doing it. 
I tried double eyelid surgery. 
>>Correct. 
>>Or: I had double eyelid surgery. 
Nowadays the double eyelid surgery is common thing. 
>> Nowadays, this kind of surgery is very common among Koreans. 

And I think this is the problems. 
>> And I think this is a problem. 

Any surgery are dangerous. 
>>All surgeries are dangerous. 

It couldn't be a common, or light things. 
>> It couldn't be considered a common thing or something normal. 

Young people are want to try cosmetic surgery to be make a beautiful face, body. 
>> Young people want to try cosmetic surgery to have a beautiful face and body. 

It is a sad phenomenon.
>>Correct. 

I think they watched beautiful stars on TV shows, or on Youtube.
>> I think they watched a lot of beautiful stars on TV shows or on YouTube. 
>>OR: They might be influenced by entertainers online or through media. 

Also It would be a disadvantages of media.
>> It is also the disadvantage of media. 

Cosmetic surgery has a serious side effects.
>> Cosmetic surgery has many serious side effects. 

 If it comes, they would be lose
their face and never turn back. 
>> It it happens, they might lose their face and never turn back. 

We should be learn this part before to be a adult.
>>We should learn this part beforehand to become a matured person. 

 Excessive surgery should be avoided.
>> Excessive surgery should be avoided.
>> Or: Surgery is meant for people who had serious accident effects on their body. 

 Natural is the best.
>> Correct. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117862 What is the best restaurant in your town and what do they serve... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 609
117861 Tell me about a recent news you\'ve read or heard about. ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 312
117860 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 511
117859 Do you like to eat fruits? What\'s your favorite one and why? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 0
117858 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 422
117857 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 3
117856 What do you think is the best TV show and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 499
117855 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 547
117854 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 1
117853 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 268
117852 Things I collect. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 487
117851 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 647
117850 Do you prefer playing or watching sports? Why? ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 539
117849 Home work ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 903
117848 Baby Shark ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 757
117847 How would you describe your personality? Are you happy with your... ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 358
117846 What are your favorite desserts? And why? ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 661
117845 Tell me about the first time you went to the movie theater? ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 659
117844 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 357
117843 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04