¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think of cosmetic surgery?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Àü*ä
2022-10-04 2146

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't prefer the cosmetic surgery. But I also tried the cosmetic surgery.
I tried double eyelid surgery. Nowadays the double eyelid surgery is common thing. And I think this is the problems. Any surgery are dangerous. It couldn't be a common, or light things. Young people are want to try cosmetic surgery to be make a beautiful face, body. It is a sad phenomenon.
I think they watched beautiful stars on TV shows, or on Youtube.
Also It would be a disadvantages of media.
Cosmetic surgery has a serious side effects. If it comes, they would be lose
their face and never turn back. We should be learn this part before to be a adult. Excessive surgery should be avoided. Natural is the best.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there, Eun Chae!
Thank you for accomplishing this writing activity.  Keep on practicing English because every day you learn new vocabulary and patterns.  It's better you do something to improve instead of delaying the results. ^^

~T. Maine


I don't prefer the cosmetic surgery. 
>>I don't prefer cosmetic surgery. 
But I also tried the cosmetic surgery.
>> But I also tried doing it. 
I tried double eyelid surgery. 
>>Correct. 
>>Or: I had double eyelid surgery. 
Nowadays the double eyelid surgery is common thing. 
>> Nowadays, this kind of surgery is very common among Koreans. 

And I think this is the problems. 
>> And I think this is a problem. 

Any surgery are dangerous. 
>>All surgeries are dangerous. 

It couldn't be a common, or light things. 
>> It couldn't be considered a common thing or something normal. 

Young people are want to try cosmetic surgery to be make a beautiful face, body. 
>> Young people want to try cosmetic surgery to have a beautiful face and body. 

It is a sad phenomenon.
>>Correct. 

I think they watched beautiful stars on TV shows, or on Youtube.
>> I think they watched a lot of beautiful stars on TV shows or on YouTube. 
>>OR: They might be influenced by entertainers online or through media. 

Also It would be a disadvantages of media.
>> It is also the disadvantage of media. 

Cosmetic surgery has a serious side effects.
>> Cosmetic surgery has many serious side effects. 

 If it comes, they would be lose
their face and never turn back. 
>> It it happens, they might lose their face and never turn back. 

We should be learn this part before to be a adult.
>>We should learn this part beforehand to become a matured person. 

 Excessive surgery should be avoided.
>> Excessive surgery should be avoided.
>> Or: Surgery is meant for people who had serious accident effects on their body. 

 Natural is the best.
>> Correct. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
121156 Right? ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 1
121155 What country do you think is the most creative? Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 225
121154 If you owned a company and like to hire someone, what kind of... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 660
121153 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 480
121152 How do you think can racism be stopped? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 335
121151 07.28.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 1
121150 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 416
121149 About the earthquake ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 463
121148 About the growth of our company. ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 2
121147 Excessive population increase ³ë*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 494
121146 Why did you choose your major? Do you have any regrets? ¼­*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 390
121145 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 501
121144 Previous class review 1 À¯*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 4
121143 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 437
121142 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 298
121141 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 1
121140 What do you think about being close with your coworkers? is it... Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 458
121139 Can you tell me something about your major and the reason you... ¼­*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 214
121138 Have you ever missed a train or plane? What happened? Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 2
121137 Have you ever felt like giving up studying English? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-28 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04