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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What are your best birthday memories?

작성자: 김*율
2022-10-02 1486

회원님의 영작문

My best birthday memories happened when I was five. I first realized that my birthday was in October which I thought was summer. It was not. I ran out very early in dawn, excited for my birthday. Just about to welcome all the sunlight into my huge spread arms, the guest that noticed me first was the chilly autumn breeze. The junior leaves that were just learing to fly twinkled onto the floors on front of me and folded itself cheerfully under my blissful step. I sprinted to the 1 floored house roof and gazed yonder at the successfully flying senior leaves, all headed to Yonder Mountain. All the welcoming ended as twilight was gone and the real day started. I was chattering away about all these nutrious festive touch, provided just for me. Then twinkle-twinkle-buzz-ding! Our guest alarm rang. I ran fastest than ever to the door, first to meet my perfect best-friend, Arah! #Best birthday memory

P.S. Ooh-la-la! I was so happy for the mountains presents~

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Heather! Thank you for stating and sharing the best birthday memory you have. I'm really glad to hear that you know how to appreciate the moments you have. Continue to be happy and blessed.~T. Lyn
My best birthday memories happened when I was five. 
>>Correct. The best birthday memories happened when I was five years old.
I first realized that my birthday was in October which I thought was summer. 
>>I really thought that my birthday in October was summer.
It was not. 
>>But, it was not.
I ran out very early in dawn, excited for my birthday.
>>I was excited about my birthday and ran out very early in the morning, actually at dawn.
Just about to welcome all the sunlight into my huge spread arms, the guest that noticed me first was the chilly autumn breeze. 
>>I welcomed the first sunlight into my big arms, the first thing that I noticed was the chilly autumn wind.
The junior leaves that were just learing to fly twinkled onto the floors on front of me and folded itself cheerfully under my blissful step. 
>>The young leaves just learning to fly, glistered on the floor in front of me, and folded joyfully and cheerfully under my blissful feet.
I sprinted to the 1 floored house roof and gazed yonder at the successfully flying senior leaves, all headed to Yonder Mountain. 
>>I sprinted to the roof of the one-story house and watched the dead leaves successfully fling over to the mountains beyond.
All the welcoming ended as twilight was gone and the real day started. 
>>All the welcoming ended as twilight passed and the real day began.
I was chattering away about all these nutrious festive touch, provided just for me. 
>>I was chatting about all these nutritious festive vibes being served for me.
Then twinkle-twinkle-buzz-ding! 
>>Then, I heard the sound of our doorbell, "twinkle-twinkle-buzz-ding!"
Our guest alarm rang. 
>>The guest rang the doorbell.
I ran fastest than ever to the door, first to meet my perfect best-friend, Arah! 
>>I ran faster than anyone else and met my perfect best friend, Arah!
#Best birthday memory
>>Hashtag, my best birthday memory ever.
P.S. Ooh-la-la! I was so happy for the mountains presents~
>>P.S. Woo-la-la! I was so happy with the gift I bought.~
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