¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Hi Gemmar

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Áø
2022-09-27 3571

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: Nowadays, people are spending more time away from their homes because they spend longer in their workplace. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

My friends also spend more time away from her home because her workplace is far from her home.
She has to spend 3 hours on the road every week day.
She wakes up 6 AM and comes back home at 8PM normally.
She stays at home only 10 hours a day.( when I think of her sleeping time, she stays at home just few hours)
In korea overtime working is prohibited by labor law therefore, people spend times for themselves after work.
In my case ,
I like staying and having a good time at home.
When my friends want to have a dinner with me, I used to invite them to my place instead of going out.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there! How's your afternoon going? Anyway, I feel so exhausted that I didn't actually do a lot of things! Hahaha! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
My friends also spend more time away from her home because her workplace is far from her home.
>>>CORRECT
She has to spend 3 hours on the road every week day.
>>>CORRECT
OR>>> She has to spend 3 hours on the road on week days.
She wakes up at 6 AM and comes back home at 8PM normally.
>>>CORRECT
She stays at home only 10 hours a day.( when I think of her sleeping time, she stays at home just few hours)
>>>She stays at home for only 10 hours a day.( when I think of her sleeping time, she stays at home for just few hours.)
In korea overtime working is prohibited by labor law therefore, people spend times for themselves after work.
>>> In Koreaworking overtime is prohibited by the labor law therefore, people spend a time for themselves after work.
In my case, I like staying and having a good time at home.
>>>CORRECT
When my friends want to have a dinner with me, I used to invite them to my place instead of going out.
>>>CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122117 What is the best movie you have ever seen? What is the story all... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 1180
122116 How do you balance your work and personal life? Do you prefer a... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 2224
122115 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 2
122114 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 0
122113 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 908
122112 How does your family decide who does various chores around the... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 1297
122111 Enumerate the machines and equipment in your office ¹Ú*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 965
122110 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 1001
122109 Describe in as much detail as possible what your office looks... ¹Ú*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 998
122108 What foreign greetings are interesting to you? Why? ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 1134
122107 Homework ±è*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 1
122106 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 1
122105 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 3
122104 Where are the best places for historical vacations? Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 1
122103 Where in the world would you most like to go for your next... Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 1
122102 Do you think that a person¡¯s eating habits affect how long they... Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 2
122101 over ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 1405
122100 Homework ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 1604
122099 How can you have a balanced life? ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 1319
122098 If you were an item of clothing, what would you be and why? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 2004

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04