¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿í
2022-09-26 1722

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My favorite possession is Pooh doll. It has been with me since I was 6 years old. Over 20 years have passed. So there is an unbreakable bond between us.
I got this doll as an 6th birthday present from my parents. It sometimes reminds me of my childhood, my school life, and after going to army, he solely protected my room. up to now, it was always with me. And it will always with me.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jason. Please review my corrections carefully. Try to take notes of the corrections which you have noticed from them. Again, thank you and have a great day ahead! :)

- Teacher Raven 


My favorite possession is Pooh doll.
>> Correct. OR My favorite possession is my Pooh doll.
It has been with me since I was 6 years old.
>> Correct.
Over 20 years have passed. So there is an unbreakable bond between us.
>> Over 20 years have passed, and now there is an unbreakable bond between us.
I got this doll as an 6th birthday present from my parents.
>> I got this doll as a present from my parents on my 6th birthday.
It sometimes reminds me of my childhood, my school life, and after going to army, he solely protected my room.
>> It sometimes reminds me of my childhood, my school life, my days in the army, he solely protected my room.
up to now, it was always with me. And it will always with me.
>> Up until now, it's still with me and will always be with me.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116223 The busiest day. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 2
116222 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 414
116221 What is your greatest achievement as a student and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 161
116220 If you can move to another country, which one would you pick and... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 0
116219 What is the best lesson you have learned from one of your... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 0
116218 What are you looking forward to this 2022 and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 0
116217 Home work ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 308
116216 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 803
116215 Can you forgive your friends easily when they did something bad... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 382
116214 Shorter Impatient ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 637
116213 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 377
116212 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 249
116211 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 1
116210 measures to protect and improve the mental health of children... È£*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 1
116209 What was the most important thing your parents taught you? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 2
116208 Being Kind ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 311
116207 What are the things you consider important in life? ¾ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 3
116206 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 389
116205 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 496
116204 Is there a song that makes you emotional? Which song is it and... ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04