¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿í
2022-09-26 1228

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My favorite possession is Pooh doll. It has been with me since I was 6 years old. Over 20 years have passed. So there is an unbreakable bond between us.
I got this doll as an 6th birthday present from my parents. It sometimes reminds me of my childhood, my school life, and after going to army, he solely protected my room. up to now, it was always with me. And it will always with me.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jason. Please review my corrections carefully. Try to take notes of the corrections which you have noticed from them. Again, thank you and have a great day ahead! :)

- Teacher Raven 


My favorite possession is Pooh doll.
>> Correct. OR My favorite possession is my Pooh doll.
It has been with me since I was 6 years old.
>> Correct.
Over 20 years have passed. So there is an unbreakable bond between us.
>> Over 20 years have passed, and now there is an unbreakable bond between us.
I got this doll as an 6th birthday present from my parents.
>> I got this doll as a present from my parents on my 6th birthday.
It sometimes reminds me of my childhood, my school life, and after going to army, he solely protected my room.
>> It sometimes reminds me of my childhood, my school life, my days in the army, he solely protected my room.
up to now, it was always with me. And it will always with me.
>> Up until now, it's still with me and will always be with me.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
121890 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 698
121889 Who is the kindest person you know? What are some of his/her... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 827
121888 My thoughts on music. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 1024
121887 8/25 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 724
121886 08.25.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 2
121885 What kind of lifestyle do you want to have? Share your thoughts... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 1278
121884 How important is time in your culture? Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 839
121883 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 2
121882 What is the best memory you have of your family doing something... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 783
121881 8/25 homework ¾È*Çå ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 831
121880 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 729
121879 What can you do to make this world a better place? ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 2
121878 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 1
121877 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 1194
121876 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 3
121875 Be annoyed ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 2
121874 housing ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 467
121873 homework ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 0
121872 Have you ever been the victim of a crime? Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 4
121871 Caleb\'s homework for 23 Aug 2022 ±Ç*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-25 1630

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04