¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿í
2022-09-23 1550

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

What is your most unforgettable experience at work? What happened? Why is it unforgettable for you? Tell something about it using 3 to 4 short paragraphs.

1 month after my joining to the company, during my workhour, accidentally one noise sounds. And electricity's shut down. I thought something fallen on our container house, I went out leaving behind my documents work.

Then I saw, so many employees of Lotte chemical were running to one place, there was fire, and so many smokes occurred. And the announcement said, 'all remaining people stop what they're doing, gather out of the front gate.'

After breaking out from the factory, I heard about this accident. As soon as turning on the main 154kV line, which means very high voltage so only advanced technicians can deal with, a outdoor transformer was exploded.

I learned from it that electricity never lies, and never permit us to make mistakes. It can be a malfunction, also it can be a disaster.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jason. Please review my corrections carefully. Try to take notes of the corrections which you have noticed from them. Again, thank you and have a great day ahead! :)

- Teacher Raven 


1 month after my joining to the company, during my workhour, accidentally one noise sounds. And electricity's shut down.
>> 1 month after joining the company I worked for, I accidentally heard some noise during my work hour, and then the electricity shut down.
I thought something fallen on our container house, I went out leaving behind my documents work.
>> I thought something has fallen on our container house so I went our and left my work documents behind.
Then I saw, so many employees of Lotte chemical were running to one place, there was fire, and so many smokes occurred.
>> Then I saw that many employees of Lotte Chemical were running to one place because there were fire and smoke everywhere.
And the announcement said, 'all remaining people stop what they're doing, gather out of the front gate.'
>> Suddenly, the announcement said that all remaining people should stop what they were doing and they should gather on the front gate.
After breaking out from the factory, I heard about this accident.
>> Correct.
As soon as turning on the main 154kV line, which means very high voltage so only advanced technicians can deal with, a outdoor transformer was exploded.
>> As soon as turned on the main 154kV line, which has a very high voltage so only advanced technicians can handle it, an outdoor transformer suddenly exploded.
I learned from it that electricity never lies, and never permit us to make mistakes. It can be a malfunction, also it can be a disaster
>> From that experience, I learned that electricity never lies and never permits us to make mistakes, it can be a malfunction or a disaster.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122863 My short-term and long-term goals are.. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-10-07 1854
122862 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-07 1
122861 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-07 1520
122860 Control ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-07 1
122859 Are you a creative person? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-07 1412
122858 Hi Jhozel ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-10-07 131
122857 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-07 2
122856 \"When\" practice ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-07 3
122855 if practice ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-07 5
122854 What do you think are the health benefits of ginseng? Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-07 983
122853 h À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-10-07 1594
122852 10.06.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-07 1
122851 What makes an advertisement/ commercial memorable? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-10-07 1
122850 HOMEWORK ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-07 1452
122849 10/6 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-06 1815
122848 Travel ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-06 1506
122847 2022.10.06. °­*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2022-10-06 1
122846 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-06 1537
122845 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-10-06 2
122844 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-06 1940

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04