¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think of cosmetic surgery?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Àü*ä
2022-09-19 2484

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Nowadays, some cosmetic surgery is common things like double eyelid surgery, or nose..
Almost my friends and even I got a surgery.
I think it is a trend. Media are always shows beautiful super stars. And people are for long that people.
But everyone knows, too much cosmetic surgery are dangerous.
It might cause side effects and lose your real face and body.
On the one hand it a sad storise. People are attentive to a person gaze so they want to be a beautiful appearence.
Somedays all the people would know that 'Beauty is skin deep'.
That days, the natural skin would be a trend so people loves their own apperance. I hope that world.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there, Eun Chae!
You are beautiful inside and out.  Check your spelling when making sentences and follow the correct patterns suggested.  Ask questions more often to clarify and learn from the answers.  ^^


~T. Maine


Nowadays, some cosmetic surgery is common things like double eyelid surgery, or nose..
>> Nowadays, some cosmetic surgeries are common like double eyelid surgery or nose lift surgery. 
Almost my friends and even I got a surgery.
>> Almost all of my friends and I got the surgery. 
I think it is a trend. 
>>  Correct. 
Media are always shows beautiful super stars.
>>  Media always shows beautiful superstars. 
 And people are for long that people.
>> And people are longing to be like those people. 
But everyone knows, too much cosmetic surgery are dangerous.
>> But everyone knows that too much cosmetic surgery is dangerous. 
It might cause side effects and lose your real face and body.
>> It might lead to terrible side effects and lose  your real face and body. 
On the one hand it a sad storise. 
>> On the other hand, it is a sad story, 
People are attentive to a person gaze so they want to be a beautiful appearence.
>> People are attentive to a person's gaze so they want to be pretty with their appearance. 
Somedays all the people would know that 'Beauty is skin deep'.
>> Someday, all people would know that "Beauty is skin deep."
That days, the natural skin would be a trend so people loves their own apperance. 
>> Those days, natural skin would be a trend so people love their own appearance. 
I hope that world.
>> I hope to be in that kind of world. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123511 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1651
123510 What possibilities in your life do you wish you hadn\'t gone... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1712
123509 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 0
123508 What are the three most important things for you to be happy? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 2043
123507 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1524
123506 Is it a good reason to have children to avoid being lonely later... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1446
123505 sorry ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 2
123504 Some parents want their children to have the best of everything.... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1747
123503 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1
123502 crime ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1392
123501 Why stalking and dating violence have steadily increased ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1555
123500 I talk about a topic that the other person is interested in ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1625
123499 11.09.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 3
123498 How do you intend to use your knowledge and learning at school? ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1770
123497 Which foods taste bad to you? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 2
123496 Sorry to be absent today ¼Û*ö ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1840
123495 What is your biggest accomplishment this year? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 5
123494 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 1885
123493 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 1336
123492 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04