¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think of cosmetic surgery?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Àü*ä
2022-09-19 2693

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Nowadays, some cosmetic surgery is common things like double eyelid surgery, or nose..
Almost my friends and even I got a surgery.
I think it is a trend. Media are always shows beautiful super stars. And people are for long that people.
But everyone knows, too much cosmetic surgery are dangerous.
It might cause side effects and lose your real face and body.
On the one hand it a sad storise. People are attentive to a person gaze so they want to be a beautiful appearence.
Somedays all the people would know that 'Beauty is skin deep'.
That days, the natural skin would be a trend so people loves their own apperance. I hope that world.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there, Eun Chae!
You are beautiful inside and out.  Check your spelling when making sentences and follow the correct patterns suggested.  Ask questions more often to clarify and learn from the answers.  ^^


~T. Maine


Nowadays, some cosmetic surgery is common things like double eyelid surgery, or nose..
>> Nowadays, some cosmetic surgeries are common like double eyelid surgery or nose lift surgery. 
Almost my friends and even I got a surgery.
>> Almost all of my friends and I got the surgery. 
I think it is a trend. 
>>  Correct. 
Media are always shows beautiful super stars.
>>  Media always shows beautiful superstars. 
 And people are for long that people.
>> And people are longing to be like those people. 
But everyone knows, too much cosmetic surgery are dangerous.
>> But everyone knows that too much cosmetic surgery is dangerous. 
It might cause side effects and lose your real face and body.
>> It might lead to terrible side effects and lose  your real face and body. 
On the one hand it a sad storise. 
>> On the other hand, it is a sad story, 
People are attentive to a person gaze so they want to be a beautiful appearence.
>> People are attentive to a person's gaze so they want to be pretty with their appearance. 
Somedays all the people would know that 'Beauty is skin deep'.
>> Someday, all people would know that "Beauty is skin deep."
That days, the natural skin would be a trend so people loves their own apperance. 
>> Those days, natural skin would be a trend so people love their own appearance. 
I hope that world.
>> I hope to be in that kind of world. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120177 What is your favorite Korean dish and why? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 3
120176 My favorite Amusement park ride. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 252
120175 My favorite Amusement park ride. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 337
120174 What is your opinion about the growing stagflation in your... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 367
120173 Have you ever thought of entering the medical industry? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 384
120172 In your opinion, what are the possible problems that your... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 404
120171 What do you do to set a good example to others on how to become... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-25 322
120170 Who is always there to help you when you need it badly? Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 288
120169 Writing Task(Jun 64th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 661
120168 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 199
120167 Homework and question ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 271
120166 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 250
120165 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 341
120164 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 3
120163 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 544
120162 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 0
120161 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 0
120160 What is best about being a teenager? And why? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 209
120159 What is special about your country\'s cuisine? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 265
120158 Homework ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-24 338

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04