¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2022-09-02 524

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Hello, Donna.
I was so busy today, but I was satisfied.
This afternoon, I went to some of our Franchise clinic, and I helped make a good medical system.
Actually, they started the clinic many years ago.
However they couldn't achieve their goal about income.
Hence, they decided to join our Franchise around two months ago.
After that, we tried to grow up that clinic.
I gave many advises to them, and they accepted all immediately.
That's why I felt good.
I'm sure they can achieve their goal not too long.
Okay, now I do my homework.
I rented many things for my house.
As you know, I rented my car, water purifier, and even this house.
There is one more thing.
Can you guess?
I also rented an electrical massager.
This machine tap my body, especially posterior neck and back.
That movement make me feel so comfortable.
When I am so tired, I like to ride on that, and it can relax my body.
It's very nice.
I recommend this machine.
I hope you would try that.
Thank you.
Catch you soon.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Dr. Kim!

Busy is very good. Whenever you mention that you had a long day, I think that you had a meaningful and productive one. All of these sacrifices an painstaking ordeals are dedicated to your family and your future. Then, stay being helpful and being a clinic model to others. This just means that yours is the best in its practices.

Owning something gives us the sense of pride in financial strength. However, in times when this is not pratical, we  should better rent for the perks of services and warranty. This way, we can save time and do away with stress.  Consequentlty, we have to be responsible in handling the things we rented, even more the things be bought to own. I have tried an electric chair massager before in the mall and it was no doubt enjoyable and ultimately relaxing.

You have written your composition with clarity, organization, and good grammatical structures. The word 'franchise' to refer to your clinic is a common noun. It becomes a capital letter when you mention the name of your franchise as "Dr. Kim's Franchise Clini" or "Incheon Franchise. Meanwhile, there are uncountable nouns that do not form their plural by adding -s or -es. Thus, "pieces of advise" is the right plural form for this noun. Finally, be keen with your subject-verb agreement as "That movement make -> That movement makes". For the rest of my suggestions, please read them carefully below. Excellent piece of writing!

See you in a few!

-T. Donna~
Hello, Donna.
>> Correct!

I was so busy today, but I was satisfied.
>> Correct!

This afternoon, I went to some of our Franchise clinic, and I helped make a good medical system.
>> Correct!

Actually, they started the clinic many years ago.
>> Correct!

However they couldn't achieve their goal about income.
>> Correct!

Hence, they decided to join our Franchise around two months ago.
>> Correct!
Or: franchise

After that, we tried to grow up that clinic.
>> After that, we tried to make that clinic grow.

I gave many advises to them, and they accepted all immediately.
>> I gave many pieces of advise to them, and they accepted them all immediately.

That's why I felt good.
>> Correct!

I'm sure they can achieve their goal not too long.
>> Correct!
Or: I'm sure they can achieve their goal (not too long/ shortly/ fast/ in no time).

Okay, now I do my homework.
>> Correct!

I rented many things for my house.
>> Correct!

As you know, I rented my car, water purifier, and even this house.
>> Correct!

There is one more thing.
>> Correct!

Can you guess?
>> Correct!

I also rented an electrical massager.
>> Correct! 
Or: I also rented an electric massager.

This machine tap my body, especially posterior neck and back.
>> This machine taps my body, especially my posterior neck and back.

That movement make me feel so comfortable.
>> That movement makes me feel so comfortable.

When I am so tired, I like to ride on that, and it can relax my body.
It's very nice.
>> Correct!

I recommend this machine.
>> Correct!

I hope you would try that.
>> Correct!

Thank you.
>> Correct!

Catch you soon.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122667 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 1096
122666 Who\'s the most adventurous person in your family? And why? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 1268
122665 What makes you want to travel? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 1385
122664 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 1927
122663 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 0
122662 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 2
122661 Are there any places you are afraid to visit because of the high... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 2657
122660 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 2528
122659 Name the three weirdest jobs you have heard. ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 2
122658 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 1622
122657 homework ◡̈ ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 0
122656 Use your imagination. How will people communicate in the future? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 1165
122655 What is the difference between EMPATHY and SYMPATHY? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 1705
122654 The relationship ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 2
122653 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 1
122652 Homework~~ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 1138
122651 posting ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 1561
122650 09.27.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 1
122649 If you were a parent, how would you interfere in your child¡¯s... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-28 1
122648 Writing Task ¼Û*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-09-27 1452

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04