¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2022-09-02 957

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Hello, Donna.
I was so busy today, but I was satisfied.
This afternoon, I went to some of our Franchise clinic, and I helped make a good medical system.
Actually, they started the clinic many years ago.
However they couldn't achieve their goal about income.
Hence, they decided to join our Franchise around two months ago.
After that, we tried to grow up that clinic.
I gave many advises to them, and they accepted all immediately.
That's why I felt good.
I'm sure they can achieve their goal not too long.
Okay, now I do my homework.
I rented many things for my house.
As you know, I rented my car, water purifier, and even this house.
There is one more thing.
Can you guess?
I also rented an electrical massager.
This machine tap my body, especially posterior neck and back.
That movement make me feel so comfortable.
When I am so tired, I like to ride on that, and it can relax my body.
It's very nice.
I recommend this machine.
I hope you would try that.
Thank you.
Catch you soon.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Dr. Kim!

Busy is very good. Whenever you mention that you had a long day, I think that you had a meaningful and productive one. All of these sacrifices an painstaking ordeals are dedicated to your family and your future. Then, stay being helpful and being a clinic model to others. This just means that yours is the best in its practices.

Owning something gives us the sense of pride in financial strength. However, in times when this is not pratical, we  should better rent for the perks of services and warranty. This way, we can save time and do away with stress.  Consequentlty, we have to be responsible in handling the things we rented, even more the things be bought to own. I have tried an electric chair massager before in the mall and it was no doubt enjoyable and ultimately relaxing.

You have written your composition with clarity, organization, and good grammatical structures. The word 'franchise' to refer to your clinic is a common noun. It becomes a capital letter when you mention the name of your franchise as "Dr. Kim's Franchise Clini" or "Incheon Franchise. Meanwhile, there are uncountable nouns that do not form their plural by adding -s or -es. Thus, "pieces of advise" is the right plural form for this noun. Finally, be keen with your subject-verb agreement as "That movement make -> That movement makes". For the rest of my suggestions, please read them carefully below. Excellent piece of writing!

See you in a few!

-T. Donna~
Hello, Donna.
>> Correct!

I was so busy today, but I was satisfied.
>> Correct!

This afternoon, I went to some of our Franchise clinic, and I helped make a good medical system.
>> Correct!

Actually, they started the clinic many years ago.
>> Correct!

However they couldn't achieve their goal about income.
>> Correct!

Hence, they decided to join our Franchise around two months ago.
>> Correct!
Or: franchise

After that, we tried to grow up that clinic.
>> After that, we tried to make that clinic grow.

I gave many advises to them, and they accepted all immediately.
>> I gave many pieces of advise to them, and they accepted them all immediately.

That's why I felt good.
>> Correct!

I'm sure they can achieve their goal not too long.
>> Correct!
Or: I'm sure they can achieve their goal (not too long/ shortly/ fast/ in no time).

Okay, now I do my homework.
>> Correct!

I rented many things for my house.
>> Correct!

As you know, I rented my car, water purifier, and even this house.
>> Correct!

There is one more thing.
>> Correct!

Can you guess?
>> Correct!

I also rented an electrical massager.
>> Correct! 
Or: I also rented an electric massager.

This machine tap my body, especially posterior neck and back.
>> This machine taps my body, especially my posterior neck and back.

That movement make me feel so comfortable.
>> That movement makes me feel so comfortable.

When I am so tired, I like to ride on that, and it can relax my body.
It's very nice.
>> Correct!

I recommend this machine.
>> Correct!

I hope you would try that.
>> Correct!

Thank you.
>> Correct!

Catch you soon.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117715 Choose the correct word to complete the sentences. 1. How ____... Àå*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-25 693
117714 I would appreciate it if you could check the sentence below. ½Å*±³ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-25 751
117713 I would appreciate it if you could check the sentence below. ½Å*±³ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-25 496
117712 Homework ¹Ú*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2022-03-25 587
117711 2022.3.24 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-03-25 634
117710 If there is a place in America that you wanted to live in, where... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-25 1
117709 If you could edit your memories, which ones would you erase and... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-03-25 674
117708 Which is worse, obesity or anorexia? ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-25 516
117707 HOMEWORK ÀÓ*ÃÑ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-25 2
117706 If you could edit your memories, which ones would you erase and... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-03-25 349
117705 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-24 337
117704 Where is it best to have a heart-to-heart talk with someone? Why? ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-24 162
117703 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-24 400
117702 3/24 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-24 486
117701 Are you someone who likes change? ÃÖ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-24 710
117700 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-24 3
117699 Writing Task(Mar 23th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-03-24 235
117698 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-24 6
117697 Why do you think conversations are important? ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-24 702
117696 How many hours of sleep do you need and why? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-03-24 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04