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영작교정 게시판

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Do you agree that people should sleep less and work more to succeed? Why or why not? Why is sleep im

작성자: 황*하
2022-09-01 1377

회원님의 영작문

There is a saying that "time is gold" and "a bird which wakes up early find food". Both of them mean how important time is. I have learnt that I could succeed if I didn't sleep less than other students. Generally, it is believed that if students study more hours, they will get higher score than they used to be or others but it depends on personal ability and how they spend their time. According to the professionals, it is more important to have break time while students are studying. They stressed that students must take a rest all day on weekends after that they can be refreshed and gain energy to study. I totally agree with those opnion because there are too many students who just sit down on the chair and spend a lot of time without concentration on books. For adults, I think that the way to spend time is more important than time itself like adolescents. However, we should be careful to sleep too much than recommended hours. It makes people lazier as sleep more and more.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

There is a saying that "time is gold" and "a bird which wakes up early find food". 
>> There is a saying that "time is gold" and "a bird which wakes up early finds food". 
Both of them mean how important time is. 
>> CORRECT! 
I have learnt that I could succeed if I didn't sleep less than other students. 
>> CORRECT! 
Generally, it is believed that if students study more hours, they will get higher score than they used to be or others but it depends on personal ability and how they spend their time. 
>> CORRECT! 
According to the professionals, it is more important to have break time while students are studying. 
>> CORRECT! 
They stressed that students must take a rest all day on weekends after that they can be refreshed and gain energy to study. 
>> CORRECT! 
I totally agree with those opnion because there are too many students who just sit down on the chair and spend a lot of time without concentration on books. 
>> I totally agree with those opinions because there are too many students who just sit down on the chair and spend a lot of time without concentration on their books.
OR >>   I totally agree with those opinions because there are too many students who just sit down on the chair and spend a lot of time without focusing on their books.
For adults, I think that the way to spend time is more important than time itself like adolescents. >> CORRECT! 
However, we should be careful to sleep too much than recommended hours. 
>> CORRECT! 
It makes people lazier as sleep more and more.
>> It makes people lazier as sleep they more and more.

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