¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What disease frightens you the most? Why? What do you do to stay healthy?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2022-08-31 1125

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Whenever I have a symptom which lasts for more than a week, I always worry if It is a cancer. I don't know why it comes up on my brain, I guess that it is the most serious and frightened disease that I know. Although, it's cure rate has been increasing, there are still a lot of people who die due to a cancer. The incidence rate of cancer has been increasing due to the bad diet and the improvement of disgnostic technologies. I am scared if I have a cancer and it is impossible to control pain, I would like to be killed because the pain is horrible that patients can't endure without pain killer. I am not sure if I can manage my health mentally and physically. There are uncountable information to keep our health. We have seen it on TV, news papers and so on. However, it is nealy possible to keep right habits even thought, we know what we have to eat, drink and do. Eating healthy food, doing exercise regulary and avoiding unhealthy drinks like alchool is the way to stay healthy,.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

Whenever I have a symptom which lasts for more than a week, I always worry if It is a cancer. 
>> CORRECT! 
I don't know why it comes up on my brain, I guess that it is the most serious and frightened disease that I know. 
>> I don't know why it comes up on my brain, I guess that it is the most serious and frightening disease that I know. 
Although, it's cure rate has been increasing, there are still a lot of people who die due to a cancer. 
>> Although, its cure rate has been increasing, there are still a lot of people who die due to cancer. 
OR >> Although, its treatment rate has been increasing, there are still a lot of people who die due to cancer. 
The incidence rate of cancer has been increasing due to the bad diet and the improvement of disgnostic technologies. 
>> The incidence rate of cancer has been increasing due to  bad diet and the improvement of diagnostic technologies.
I am scared if I have a cancer and it is impossible to control pain, I would like to be killed because the pain is horrible that patients can't endure without pain killer. 
>> I am scared if I have a cancer and it is impossible to control pain, I would like to be killed because the pain is horrible that patients can't endure without any pain killer. 
I am not sure if I can manage my health mentally and physically. 
>> CORRECT! 
There are uncountable information to keep our health. 
>> CORRECT! 
We have seen it on TV, news papers and so on. 
>> CORRECT! 
However, it is nealy possible to keep right habits even thought, we know what we have to eat, drink and do.
>> However, it is nearly possible to keep right habits even thought, we know what we have to eat, drink and do.
 Eating healthy food, doing exercise regulary and avoiding unhealthy drinks like alchool is the way to stay healthy.
>> CORRECT! 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122975 Use the following words in sentences ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-10-13 1741
122974 Sadness plays an important role in people\'s lives ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-10-13 2112
122973 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-10-13 0
122972 Can manners affect your success in life? How? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-13 1679
122971 Make Sentences using given words. ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2022-10-13 2178
122970 The call-center ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-13 1
122969 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-13 2
122968 Homework ³ë*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-13 1604
122967 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-13 2089
122966 What is your favorite room in your house? Why? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-13 1
122965 homework ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-13 3
122964 Claire\'s Homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 1827
122963 10/12 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 1998
122962 Homework ¼Û*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 1863
122961 emotion ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 1567
122960 Goal is for doing something their best ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 0
122959 What¡¯s are the differences between movies and plays? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 1866
122958 Do you easily recover from an illness? How do cope with it? ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 2138
122957 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 1435
122956 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 1880

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04