¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What disease frightens you the most? Why? What do you do to stay healthy?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2022-08-31 1321

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Whenever I have a symptom which lasts for more than a week, I always worry if It is a cancer. I don't know why it comes up on my brain, I guess that it is the most serious and frightened disease that I know. Although, it's cure rate has been increasing, there are still a lot of people who die due to a cancer. The incidence rate of cancer has been increasing due to the bad diet and the improvement of disgnostic technologies. I am scared if I have a cancer and it is impossible to control pain, I would like to be killed because the pain is horrible that patients can't endure without pain killer. I am not sure if I can manage my health mentally and physically. There are uncountable information to keep our health. We have seen it on TV, news papers and so on. However, it is nealy possible to keep right habits even thought, we know what we have to eat, drink and do. Eating healthy food, doing exercise regulary and avoiding unhealthy drinks like alchool is the way to stay healthy,.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

Whenever I have a symptom which lasts for more than a week, I always worry if It is a cancer. 
>> CORRECT! 
I don't know why it comes up on my brain, I guess that it is the most serious and frightened disease that I know. 
>> I don't know why it comes up on my brain, I guess that it is the most serious and frightening disease that I know. 
Although, it's cure rate has been increasing, there are still a lot of people who die due to a cancer. 
>> Although, its cure rate has been increasing, there are still a lot of people who die due to cancer. 
OR >> Although, its treatment rate has been increasing, there are still a lot of people who die due to cancer. 
The incidence rate of cancer has been increasing due to the bad diet and the improvement of disgnostic technologies. 
>> The incidence rate of cancer has been increasing due to  bad diet and the improvement of diagnostic technologies.
I am scared if I have a cancer and it is impossible to control pain, I would like to be killed because the pain is horrible that patients can't endure without pain killer. 
>> I am scared if I have a cancer and it is impossible to control pain, I would like to be killed because the pain is horrible that patients can't endure without any pain killer. 
I am not sure if I can manage my health mentally and physically. 
>> CORRECT! 
There are uncountable information to keep our health. 
>> CORRECT! 
We have seen it on TV, news papers and so on. 
>> CORRECT! 
However, it is nealy possible to keep right habits even thought, we know what we have to eat, drink and do.
>> However, it is nearly possible to keep right habits even thought, we know what we have to eat, drink and do.
 Eating healthy food, doing exercise regulary and avoiding unhealthy drinks like alchool is the way to stay healthy.
>> CORRECT! 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
125020 A bug¡¯s life! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 730
125019 Talk about your best memory from a holiday. ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 760
125018 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 3
125017 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 10
125016 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 0
125015 I think that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 949
125014 Is domestic violence a big problem in your country? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 574
125013 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 502
125012 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 1040
125011 holiday ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 1
125010 What is your favorite AI? ¼Û*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 1
125009 What do you do when you have trouble sleeping? Explain. ¼Û*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 1
125008 Homework ¼Û*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 4
125007 My best ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 852
125006 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 1
125005 What new activity would you like to try doing in your free time? Àå*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 811
125004 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 1671
125003 What\'s your favorite plant? Why? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 0
125002 If you were to evaluate yourself as a student of your current... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-20 3
125001 E-sport? ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-19 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04