¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What disease frightens you the most? Why? What do you do to stay healthy?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2022-08-31 1514

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Whenever I have a symptom which lasts for more than a week, I always worry if It is a cancer. I don't know why it comes up on my brain, I guess that it is the most serious and frightened disease that I know. Although, it's cure rate has been increasing, there are still a lot of people who die due to a cancer. The incidence rate of cancer has been increasing due to the bad diet and the improvement of disgnostic technologies. I am scared if I have a cancer and it is impossible to control pain, I would like to be killed because the pain is horrible that patients can't endure without pain killer. I am not sure if I can manage my health mentally and physically. There are uncountable information to keep our health. We have seen it on TV, news papers and so on. However, it is nealy possible to keep right habits even thought, we know what we have to eat, drink and do. Eating healthy food, doing exercise regulary and avoiding unhealthy drinks like alchool is the way to stay healthy,.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

Whenever I have a symptom which lasts for more than a week, I always worry if It is a cancer. 
>> CORRECT! 
I don't know why it comes up on my brain, I guess that it is the most serious and frightened disease that I know. 
>> I don't know why it comes up on my brain, I guess that it is the most serious and frightening disease that I know. 
Although, it's cure rate has been increasing, there are still a lot of people who die due to a cancer. 
>> Although, its cure rate has been increasing, there are still a lot of people who die due to cancer. 
OR >> Although, its treatment rate has been increasing, there are still a lot of people who die due to cancer. 
The incidence rate of cancer has been increasing due to the bad diet and the improvement of disgnostic technologies. 
>> The incidence rate of cancer has been increasing due to  bad diet and the improvement of diagnostic technologies.
I am scared if I have a cancer and it is impossible to control pain, I would like to be killed because the pain is horrible that patients can't endure without pain killer. 
>> I am scared if I have a cancer and it is impossible to control pain, I would like to be killed because the pain is horrible that patients can't endure without any pain killer. 
I am not sure if I can manage my health mentally and physically. 
>> CORRECT! 
There are uncountable information to keep our health. 
>> CORRECT! 
We have seen it on TV, news papers and so on. 
>> CORRECT! 
However, it is nealy possible to keep right habits even thought, we know what we have to eat, drink and do.
>> However, it is nearly possible to keep right habits even thought, we know what we have to eat, drink and do.
 Eating healthy food, doing exercise regulary and avoiding unhealthy drinks like alchool is the way to stay healthy.
>> CORRECT! 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
121734 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 1049
121733 What Disney character do you least like? Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 1572
121732 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 1230
121731 Do you think it is possible to watch ¡°too much¡± television?... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 1171
121730 homework ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 2
121729 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 1270
121728 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 0
121727 Have you ever tried talking to a foreigner on the phone? How did... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 1171
121726 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 1155
121725 What are the advantages and disadvantages of shopping at a mall? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 1598
121724 What age do you want to live to? Why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 1527
121723 For some reasons, it\'s confusing. Wednsday ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 997
121722 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 1963
121721 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 3
121720 Homework ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 1373
121719 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 2
121718 Having a child is. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 1046
121717 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 1
121716 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 790
121715 Daily work sentence review request.[3 sentence] ±Ç*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-19 10

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04