¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

diet

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*Èñ
2022-08-31 892

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

That is advice for me.

I have concern a healthy diet because of my breast cancer and overweight.

I am usually a lot manage diet and exercise.

But I am failing because I like bread too much and often do overeat.

I try to maintain good eatind habits , fresh and handmade meal at home.

Anyway I have to suppress overweight.

It's my task and homework.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Great day Ms. Lily
Food is one of the most irresistible things on earth. Why is it that it's so good to eat?  Well, the article tells us that we can eat more unsaturated fat to prevent cancer. but in my case, choosing those kinds of food is more expensive than my regular food. 
Let's discuss this later :)
Aki~

That is advice for me.
>>> CORRECT!

I have concern a healthy diet because of my breast cancer and overweight.
>>>  I have concerned about a healthy diet because of my breast cancer and being overweight.

I am usually a lot manage diet and exercise.
>>> I usually manage my diet and do a lot of exercises.

But I am failing because I like bread too much and often do overeat.
>>> CORRECT!
or >> But I sometimes fail because I love eating bread too much.

I try to maintain good eating habits , fresh and handmade meal at home.
>>>  I try to maintain good eating habits and prepare fresh and handmade meals at home.

Anyway, I have to suppress overweight.
>>>  Anyway, I have to suppress being overweight.

It's my task and homework.
>>> CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
121394 What kind of special clothes do you want to buy recently? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-08-07 2
121393 Being a mother Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-07 2
121392 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-07 276
121391 How can you prepare for potential risks? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-06 2
121390 08.04.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-06 1
121389 Tourist 2 ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-06 0
121388 At a tourist information center ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-06 0
121387 Is there a political person/politician that you look up to? If... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-08-06 644
121386 What is your opinion about the article \"Gender Equality\"? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-08-06 224
121385 Propose ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-06 1
121384 Is it better to stay at home on holiday or go somewhere? Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-08-06 468
121383 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-05 1389
121382 8/5 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-05 632
121381 Who is the best author for you? Why? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-05 311
121380 my favorite movie line Á¶*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-08-05 538
121379 I hate summer ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-05 204
121378 If you had to leave your home quickly because of danger, what... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-05 353
121377 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-05 303
121376 If you will build a simple cafe in your area, what will you do... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-05 909
121375 How technology has changed in my life. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-08-05 411

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04