¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the ways to prevent health problems?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Çö
2022-08-25 1518

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think there are three crucial things to take care of. First is your sleeping time. Too much sleep can make you feel even more tired and lazy, but too short sleep makes your brain stop thinking and your immune system could also be an error. 7-8 hours of sleep every day is the ideal time for sleeping. Second, you should keep yourself clean. Wash your hand frequently, and take a shower every day. Don't forget to brush your teeth after having a meal. Thirdly, you should take care of your balanced diet. Eating healthy foods is also very important for your immune system. Try to have a meal at a fixed time every day.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Olivia!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


I think there are three crucial things to take care of. 

>> I think there are three crucial things to think about. 

First is your sleeping time. 

>>CORRECT!


Too much sleep can make you feel even more tired and lazy, but too short sleep makes your brain stop thinking and your immune system could also be an error. 

>>Too much sleep can make you feel even more tired and lazy, but less sleep makes your brain stop thinking and your immune system could also go down. 


7-8 hours of sleep every day is the ideal time for sleeping. 

>> CORRECT!


Second, you should keep yourself clean. 

>> CORRECT!


Wash your hand frequently, and take a shower every day. 

>> Wash your hands frequently and take a shower every day. 


Don't forget to brush your teeth after having a meal. 

>> CORRECT!


Thirdly, you should take care of your balanced diet. 

>> Thirdly, you should have a balanced diet. 


Eating healthy foods is also very important for your immune system. 

>> CORRECT!


Try to have a meal at a fixed time every day.

>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122414 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-18 1370
122413 What is the first thing that you would like to do in Australia? ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-18 3
122412 Which animals are endangered? How can we protect them? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-17 1797
122411 How often do you have big family get-togethers? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-17 1
122410 Use the following words in create sentences ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-09-17 1229
122409 Use the following words in creative sentences, one sentence per... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-09-17 1651
122408 Sleep Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-09-17 1
122407 Future Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-09-17 1
122406 If you had to choose between a satisfying job and a well-paid... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-17 1334
122405 Friend ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-16 1273
122404 9/16 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-16 1572
122403 book ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-16 985
122402 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-09-16 2
122401 Homework ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-16 2808
122400 How many different dances do you know? Are there any traditional... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-16 1414
122399 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-16 878
122398 What new technology could you not live without? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-16 1721
122397 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-16 0
122396 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-16 0
122395 homework ◡̈ ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-09-16 1105

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04