¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the ways to prevent health problems?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Çö
2022-08-25 1534

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think there are three crucial things to take care of. First is your sleeping time. Too much sleep can make you feel even more tired and lazy, but too short sleep makes your brain stop thinking and your immune system could also be an error. 7-8 hours of sleep every day is the ideal time for sleeping. Second, you should keep yourself clean. Wash your hand frequently, and take a shower every day. Don't forget to brush your teeth after having a meal. Thirdly, you should take care of your balanced diet. Eating healthy foods is also very important for your immune system. Try to have a meal at a fixed time every day.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Olivia!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


I think there are three crucial things to take care of. 

>> I think there are three crucial things to think about. 

First is your sleeping time. 

>>CORRECT!


Too much sleep can make you feel even more tired and lazy, but too short sleep makes your brain stop thinking and your immune system could also be an error. 

>>Too much sleep can make you feel even more tired and lazy, but less sleep makes your brain stop thinking and your immune system could also go down. 


7-8 hours of sleep every day is the ideal time for sleeping. 

>> CORRECT!


Second, you should keep yourself clean. 

>> CORRECT!


Wash your hand frequently, and take a shower every day. 

>> Wash your hands frequently and take a shower every day. 


Don't forget to brush your teeth after having a meal. 

>> CORRECT!


Thirdly, you should take care of your balanced diet. 

>> Thirdly, you should have a balanced diet. 


Eating healthy foods is also very important for your immune system. 

>> CORRECT!


Try to have a meal at a fixed time every day.

>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122575 How can bacteria help humans? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-24 1337
122574 If I become very popular overnight, I will ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 1685
122573 accident ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 1574
122572 9/23 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 1497
122571 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 3
122570 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 1707
122569 Hi teacher! ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 2
122568 How often do I meet my friend Â÷*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 1276
122567 The most important thing school should teach children is.. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 1092
122566 What\'s the worst movie you have ever seen? Why? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 1209
122565 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 1
122564 How has the pandemic affected your life? What changed in your... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 1251
122563 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 1
122562 What are some rude and insulting gestures in your country? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 1298
122561 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 1526
122560 Homework ±è*¿í ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 1651
122559 What would you like to do with your family? õ*ö ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 1088
122558 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 2028
122557 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 2036
122556 Korean language supporters ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-23 1488

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04