¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the ways to prevent health problems?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Çö
2022-08-25 1740

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think there are three crucial things to take care of. First is your sleeping time. Too much sleep can make you feel even more tired and lazy, but too short sleep makes your brain stop thinking and your immune system could also be an error. 7-8 hours of sleep every day is the ideal time for sleeping. Second, you should keep yourself clean. Wash your hand frequently, and take a shower every day. Don't forget to brush your teeth after having a meal. Thirdly, you should take care of your balanced diet. Eating healthy foods is also very important for your immune system. Try to have a meal at a fixed time every day.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Olivia!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


I think there are three crucial things to take care of. 

>> I think there are three crucial things to think about. 

First is your sleeping time. 

>>CORRECT!


Too much sleep can make you feel even more tired and lazy, but too short sleep makes your brain stop thinking and your immune system could also be an error. 

>>Too much sleep can make you feel even more tired and lazy, but less sleep makes your brain stop thinking and your immune system could also go down. 


7-8 hours of sleep every day is the ideal time for sleeping. 

>> CORRECT!


Second, you should keep yourself clean. 

>> CORRECT!


Wash your hand frequently, and take a shower every day. 

>> Wash your hands frequently and take a shower every day. 


Don't forget to brush your teeth after having a meal. 

>> CORRECT!


Thirdly, you should take care of your balanced diet. 

>> Thirdly, you should have a balanced diet. 


Eating healthy foods is also very important for your immune system. 

>> CORRECT!


Try to have a meal at a fixed time every day.

>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
119676 What do you think is the best job in the world? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-06-08 158
119675 [Homework] Q. What makes a restaurant famous? ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 2
119674 6/7 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 3
119673 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 109
119672 How important is freedom for you? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 112
119671 Shabu shabu is my soul food ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 156
119670 We can\'t meet each other ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 158
119669 I like my eating habit ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 130
119668 Homework ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 85
119667 I know many happily married couples. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 91
119666 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 93
119665 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 98
119664 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 2
119663 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 104
119662 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 111
119661 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 82
119660 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 59
119659 Expensive gift ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 99
119658 About season ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 2
119657 homewokr ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 64

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04