¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the ways to prevent health problems?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Çö
2022-08-25 1585

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think there are three crucial things to take care of. First is your sleeping time. Too much sleep can make you feel even more tired and lazy, but too short sleep makes your brain stop thinking and your immune system could also be an error. 7-8 hours of sleep every day is the ideal time for sleeping. Second, you should keep yourself clean. Wash your hand frequently, and take a shower every day. Don't forget to brush your teeth after having a meal. Thirdly, you should take care of your balanced diet. Eating healthy foods is also very important for your immune system. Try to have a meal at a fixed time every day.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Olivia!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


I think there are three crucial things to take care of. 

>> I think there are three crucial things to think about. 

First is your sleeping time. 

>>CORRECT!


Too much sleep can make you feel even more tired and lazy, but too short sleep makes your brain stop thinking and your immune system could also be an error. 

>>Too much sleep can make you feel even more tired and lazy, but less sleep makes your brain stop thinking and your immune system could also go down. 


7-8 hours of sleep every day is the ideal time for sleeping. 

>> CORRECT!


Second, you should keep yourself clean. 

>> CORRECT!


Wash your hand frequently, and take a shower every day. 

>> Wash your hands frequently and take a shower every day. 


Don't forget to brush your teeth after having a meal. 

>> CORRECT!


Thirdly, you should take care of your balanced diet. 

>> Thirdly, you should have a balanced diet. 


Eating healthy foods is also very important for your immune system. 

>> CORRECT!


Try to have a meal at a fixed time every day.

>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120814 How can travelling be an educational experience? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-17 2
120813 Why do you think many people love to travel? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-17 2
120812 Previous class review À¯*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-17 314
120811 homework Àå*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-17 564
120810 previous class review (1st Interveiw story) À¯*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-16 2
120809 What is the meaning of Selling like pancakes? ½Å*¼· ÁøÇàÁß 2022-07-16 339
120808 Why do you think people learn different languages? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-16 2
120807 My favorite subject. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-07-16 330
120806 Meaning of being healthy. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-07-16 221
120805 How to get avoid of sick ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-07-16 402
120804 The most enjoyable part ot studying. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-07-16 324
120803 7/15 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 329
120802 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 300
120801 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 224
120800 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 219
120799 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 2
120798 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 246
120797 How do you avoid getting sick? Share your answer in a few... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 4274
120796 compositions using the word \'Wish\' and the word \'Hope\' ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 426
120795 About Internet ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04