¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

8/23 homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*Çö
2022-08-23 1167

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

What essential thing/s do you need to bring along with you when you travel or go on a business trip?

I usually bring some clothes, underwear, toileteries and simple food like instant cup noodles in the baggage when I travel abroad.
But the most important things that I need to take are passport, money and mobile phone.
Passport is the ID card which provides information about me, and If I have a passport, I would ask some help to embassy of the Republic of Korea.
If I have enough money, I will buy some necessities and eat food.
In my opinion, mobile phone is also necessary.
I don't need a paper map anymore, becuase using mobile phone, I could find correct directions anywhere I go.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Stella!

Since you have travelled a lot in the past, preparing all of the necessary things in your baggage is a piece of cake- food, passport, cards, among others. As women, wwe have the knack in packing things.

Here on your answer, I can see longer and even more meaningful sentences. They were stated naturally as well as grammatically well-thought of. Your ideas flow well in a very good organization from the introduction, body, and ending. Some of my suggestions were underlined for your convenience. Thus, thank you for your great effort in drafting this answer. Well done!

See you again!

-T. Donna~ 
 
I usually bring some clothes, underwear, toileteries and simple food like instant cup noodles in the baggage when I travel abroad.
>> Correct!

But the most important things that I need to take are passport, money and mobile phone.
>> Correct!
Or: But the most important things that I need to take are passport, money, and mobile phone.

Passport is the ID card which provides information about me, and If I have a passport, I would ask some help to embassy of the Republic of Korea.
>> Passport is the ID card which provides information about me, and if I have a passport, I would ask some help from the Embassy of the Republic of Korea.

If I have enough money, I will buy some necessities and eat food.
>> Correct!

In my opinion, mobile phone is also necessary.
>> Correct!
Or: In my opinion, the mobile phone is also necessary.

I don't need a paper map anymore, becuase using mobile phone, I could find correct directions anywhere I go.
>> I don't need a paper map anymore, because using the mobile phone, I can find correct directions anywhere I go.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123341 Money ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 1590
123340 What were the causal factors of the accident? ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 1305
123339 Homework ³²*¸¸ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 1634
123338 How do you feel when you take food supplements? Share your... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 1371
123337 Do rich people have the responsibility to help the poor? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 1
123336 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 1836
123335 How much free time do you usually have? What do you like to do... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 1889
123334 How is the Internet affecting our intelligence? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 1212
123333 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 1449
123332 Decision ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 2
123331 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 2
123330 What hobbies are popular with children, but not with adults? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 1833
123329 The things that young can learn by voting ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 0
123328 The story that bites the tail and bite tail ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 0
123327 The popular game ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 0
123326 Depending on children\'s schedule ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 0
123325 Use the following set of words in creative sentences. ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 1786
123324 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 1662
123323 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 2247
123322 Halloween ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-01 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04