¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

8/23 homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*Çö
2022-08-23 1294

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

What essential thing/s do you need to bring along with you when you travel or go on a business trip?

I usually bring some clothes, underwear, toileteries and simple food like instant cup noodles in the baggage when I travel abroad.
But the most important things that I need to take are passport, money and mobile phone.
Passport is the ID card which provides information about me, and If I have a passport, I would ask some help to embassy of the Republic of Korea.
If I have enough money, I will buy some necessities and eat food.
In my opinion, mobile phone is also necessary.
I don't need a paper map anymore, becuase using mobile phone, I could find correct directions anywhere I go.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Stella!

Since you have travelled a lot in the past, preparing all of the necessary things in your baggage is a piece of cake- food, passport, cards, among others. As women, wwe have the knack in packing things.

Here on your answer, I can see longer and even more meaningful sentences. They were stated naturally as well as grammatically well-thought of. Your ideas flow well in a very good organization from the introduction, body, and ending. Some of my suggestions were underlined for your convenience. Thus, thank you for your great effort in drafting this answer. Well done!

See you again!

-T. Donna~ 
 
I usually bring some clothes, underwear, toileteries and simple food like instant cup noodles in the baggage when I travel abroad.
>> Correct!

But the most important things that I need to take are passport, money and mobile phone.
>> Correct!
Or: But the most important things that I need to take are passport, money, and mobile phone.

Passport is the ID card which provides information about me, and If I have a passport, I would ask some help to embassy of the Republic of Korea.
>> Passport is the ID card which provides information about me, and if I have a passport, I would ask some help from the Embassy of the Republic of Korea.

If I have enough money, I will buy some necessities and eat food.
>> Correct!

In my opinion, mobile phone is also necessary.
>> Correct!
Or: In my opinion, the mobile phone is also necessary.

I don't need a paper map anymore, becuase using mobile phone, I could find correct directions anywhere I go.
>> I don't need a paper map anymore, because using the mobile phone, I can find correct directions anywhere I go.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126235 Talk about travel ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-06 1
126234 1. smart 2. rich ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-06 0
126233 How should the younger generation of workers have a better... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 2
126232 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 812
126231 4. Homework- Which one? °û*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 1020
126230 How important is keeping old files? ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 843
126229 2. Homework - May I take your order? °û*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 1033
126228 Describe an important gift you have, tell us why it is important. ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 881
126227 The voice phishing ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 1
126226 2. Homework- Conversation Protocol °û*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 820
126225 Where did you go for your last vacation? °û*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 1173
126224 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 1042
126223 If I had a few time a day~~ ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 908
126222 Most recent case that has changed my life ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 4
126221 HOMEWORK ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 5
126220 Lesson 15: Homework ±è*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-03-04 984
126219 question about pronunciation. ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-04 6
126218 The best advice. Á¶*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-04 5
126217 Who is the most important person in your life and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-03-04 1241
126216 what is the most stressful or traumatizing situation you\'ve... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-03-04 786

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04