¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

8/23 homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*Çö
2022-08-23 1329

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

What essential thing/s do you need to bring along with you when you travel or go on a business trip?

I usually bring some clothes, underwear, toileteries and simple food like instant cup noodles in the baggage when I travel abroad.
But the most important things that I need to take are passport, money and mobile phone.
Passport is the ID card which provides information about me, and If I have a passport, I would ask some help to embassy of the Republic of Korea.
If I have enough money, I will buy some necessities and eat food.
In my opinion, mobile phone is also necessary.
I don't need a paper map anymore, becuase using mobile phone, I could find correct directions anywhere I go.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Stella!

Since you have travelled a lot in the past, preparing all of the necessary things in your baggage is a piece of cake- food, passport, cards, among others. As women, wwe have the knack in packing things.

Here on your answer, I can see longer and even more meaningful sentences. They were stated naturally as well as grammatically well-thought of. Your ideas flow well in a very good organization from the introduction, body, and ending. Some of my suggestions were underlined for your convenience. Thus, thank you for your great effort in drafting this answer. Well done!

See you again!

-T. Donna~ 
 
I usually bring some clothes, underwear, toileteries and simple food like instant cup noodles in the baggage when I travel abroad.
>> Correct!

But the most important things that I need to take are passport, money and mobile phone.
>> Correct!
Or: But the most important things that I need to take are passport, money, and mobile phone.

Passport is the ID card which provides information about me, and If I have a passport, I would ask some help to embassy of the Republic of Korea.
>> Passport is the ID card which provides information about me, and if I have a passport, I would ask some help from the Embassy of the Republic of Korea.

If I have enough money, I will buy some necessities and eat food.
>> Correct!

In my opinion, mobile phone is also necessary.
>> Correct!
Or: In my opinion, the mobile phone is also necessary.

I don't need a paper map anymore, becuase using mobile phone, I could find correct directions anywhere I go.
>> I don't need a paper map anymore, because using the mobile phone, I can find correct directions anywhere I go.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
127020 HOMRWORK ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 1
127019 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 758
127018 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 1
127017 Do you think taking a nap can help you gain more energy to... ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 2
127016 How do you keep a fun and friendly conversation with people you... ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 2
127015 Hw ÃÖ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 1
127014 Describe yellow. ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 0
127013 Hw ÃÖ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 976
127012 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 1286
127011 We should protect our and descendant life from climate change. ÀÌ*¿õ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 12
127010 What are some ways to cope with feelings of guilt after a break... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 1
127009 Homework ¹è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 868
127008 3 words that describe me the best ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 34
127007 What present do you want on your birthday? Why? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 0
127006 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 5
127005 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 878
127004 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 1070
127003 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 0
127002 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 1177
127001 The food that I want to recommend ¹é*¾ð ¿Ï·á 2023-03-29 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04