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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Homework

작성자: 김*우
2022-08-16 958

회원님의 영작문

Hello, Donna.
It was so busy today, as you can expect.
There were many clients.
And among them, one Germany came to me for her infected first toe.
She had an ingrowing nail resulting in cellulitis.
Thus, I explained the diagnosis and treatment to her.
It was so glad to see a patient who speak English.
Even though I can't speak English perfectly, I have a confidence with English, and it was owing to you. Thanks.
Today, you asked me about useless gadgets currently.
It's easy to think about it.
I don't use the telephone, alarm, CD player, MP3 player and camera anymore.
That's because now we have the cell phone which have all functions of those.
A cell phone is getting developed more and more.
Do you know "Samsung pay"?
In korea, if you have a Samsung phone, you can pay with your phone.
Meanwhile, we sometimes miss the old things which we used.
When we moved to another place, we could find old gadgets, but we couldn't throw them away, cause Those were some parts of our lives.
Good night~

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day again, Dr. Kim!

It was one interesting busy day for you yesterday. I hope that the German lady with cellulitis can manage to recover from her sore toe soon, thanks to your help. I wonder what were the things you told her to assist her... Anyway, I am proud of your confidence and fluency in cases as such when you need to speak in English. 

Meanwhile, being nostalgic about some of the previous technology we still have today is normal as a thing is attached to some good old memories. In my case, before I throw a gadget or a thing away when I will no longer use it, I whisper, "Thank you for your service." because for once, it made my life more convenient and more efficient. I strongly agree with your idea of bringing them along with us or just usign them as display for memory. 

Finally, the gadgets we have today are our future. Our lives will never be the same without them. Thus, using them properly can enhance our lives or cause some other consequences. We always have to be wise.

Your composition showed depth, very good grammatical structure, and smooth and effective transition. Keep it up with your strong points! Study as well my suggestions that were undefined for your convenience. Excellent job!

Have a fantastic day!

-T. Donna~

Hello, Donna.
>> Correct!

It was so busy today, as you can expect.
>> Correct!

There were many clients.
>> Correct!

And among them, one Germany came to me for her infected first toe.
>> And among them, one German came to me for her infected first toe.

She had an ingrowing nail resulting in cellulitis.
>> Correct!

Thus, I explained the diagnosis and treatment to her.
>> Correct!

It was so glad to see a patient who speak English.
>> It was so glad to see a patient who speaks English.

Even though I can't speak English perfectly, I have a confidence with English, and it was owing to you. Thanks.
>> Even though I can't speak English perfectly, I have confidence with English, and I owe it to you. Thanks.

Today, you asked me about useless gadgets currently.
>> Correct!

It's easy to think about it.
>> Correct!

I don't use the telephone, alarm, CD player, MP3 player and camera anymore.
>> Correct!
Or: I don't use the telephone, alarm, CD player, MP3 player, and camera anymore. (comma)

That's because now we have the cell phone which have all functions of those.
>> That's because now we have the cell phone which has all functions of those.

A cell phone is getting developed more and more.
>> Correct!

Do you know "Samsung pay"?
>> Correct!

In korea, if you have a Samsung phone, you can pay with your phone.
>> Correct!

Meanwhile, we sometimes miss the old things which we used.
>> Correct!

When we moved to another place, we could find old gadgets, but we couldn't throw them away, cause Those were some parts of our lives.
>> When we move to another place, we could find old gadgets, but we couldn't throw them away, because those were some parts of our lives.
 
Good night~
>> Correct!
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