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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

homework

작성자: 윤*원
2022-08-16 356

회원님의 영작문

How did you feel when you received or attained the things that you desired?
When I receive or attain something that I desire, I feel so happy. Because if we got a stuff that we really want to have, we will feel a sense of accomplishment. And, if I got it as a present from others, I will be very thankful for them and I will find a lot of happiness.

How do you get over not getting something that you desire?
I don’t really care even I can’t have the things that I desire. Sometimes, I can’t buy the tings even I have enough money to buy it. For example, I’m very interested in military equipment like a gun. So I tried to but a GBB gun, but I couldn’t because I’m 17 yet. But I didn’t care a lot about it because I have other things that I interested.

What kind of future do you desire the most?
I want a peaceful world. Today, there are a lot of groups or countries in the world. So many countries are trying to stop them but It’s not easy to overbear the dangerous groups like Russia, China, Nor

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용


Hi Se Won,  
    I persuade you to move to another level of communication by trying your best to construct longer sentences. And  I would request you to keep on doing your best and aim for a higher level of improvement. I believe that you can do that well. One of the best ways to understand the formulation of sentences and build your vocabulary is to listen to people speak. Try listening to podcasts and recorded conversations. From YouTube to real-life conversations, there are so many places to access English speaking. And keep practicing, keep talking, and have some belief in yourself. Gradually you will be able to overcome the fear, and then you go.. ~ Teacher QUENNY..


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How did you feel when you received or attained the things that you desired?
>> How did you feel when you received or attained the things that you desired?(CORRECT) 
When I receive or attain something that I desire, I feel so happy. Because if we got a stuff that we really want to have, we will feel a sense of accomplishment. And, if I got it as a present from others, I will be very thankful for them and I will find a lot of happiness.
>> I feel good and happy when I attain something I desire and  I achieved it because of my hard work. If I got stuff that I really want I feel a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. And if I got it as a present from others, I will be very thankful for them and express my gratitude. I will also find a lot of happiness because  I will spend lots of money to have it. 

How do you get over not getting something that you desire?
>>  How do you get over not getting something that you desire?(CORRECT) 
I don’t really care even I can’t have the things that I desire. Sometimes, I can’t buy the tings even I have enough money to buy it. For example, I’m very interested in military equipment like a gun. So I tried to but a GBB gun, but I couldn’t because I’m 17 yet. But I didn’t care a lot about it because I have other things that I interested.
>> I will feel frustrated but it doesn't matter to me even if I can't have the things that I desire. Sometimes even though I have enough money and I want to buy something I desire I will not buy it because I don't need it. For example, I'm very interested in Military equipment like a gun so tried to buy a GBB gun but I couldn't use it because I'm just 17 years old yet and it's illegal to use a gun. And there are still lots of things that I have and I'm interested in so I try to focus on the things that I have than buying what I desire. 
What kind of future do you desire the most?
>> What kind of future do you desire the most?(CORRECT) 
I want a peaceful world. Today, there are a lot of groups or countries in the world. So many countries are trying to stop them but It’s not easy to overbear the dangerous groups like Russia, China, Nor
>> I desire a "World Peace" for us to have a peaceful life in the future. World peace is not only possible but inevitable. Without peace, it will not be possible to achieve the levels of trust, cooperation, and inclusiveness needed for societies to be resilient to shocks, manage disputes, and adapt to changes in their environments. Today, there are a lot of groups or countries in the world that are having conflict and war. So many countries are trying to avoid having a war and stop it but it's not easy to overbear the powerful and dangerous groups like Russia, China, North Korea, and other countries. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How did you feel when you received or attained the things that you desired?
When I receive or attain something that I desire, I feel so happy. Because if we got a stuff that we really want to have, we will feel a sense of accomplishment. And, if I got it as a present from others, I will be very thankful for them and I will find a lot of happiness.

How do you get over not getting something that you desire?
I don’t really care even I can’t have the things that I desire. Sometimes, I can’t buy the tings even I have enough money to buy it. For example, I’m very interested in military equipment like a gun. So I tried to but a GBB gun, but I couldn’t because I’m 17 yet. But I didn’t care a lot about it because I have other things that I interested.

What kind of future do you desire the most?
I want a peaceful world. Today, there are a lot of groups or countries in the world. So many countries are trying to stop them but It’s not easy to overbear the dangerous groups like Russia, China, Nor
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03
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