¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are some reasons why privacy is important for you?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹é*Áø
2022-08-15 613

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

For me, I think it's necessity to have some secrets that can't tell anyone. It makes each other feel pressured that telling all of the secrets to others. Also, some sense of distance is necessity for the relationship as well.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Rachel!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


For me, I think it's necessity to have some secrets that can't tell anyone. 

>> For me, I think it's a necessity to have some secrets that I can't tell anyone. 

It makes each other feel pressured that telling all of the secrets to others. 

>> It makes people feel pressured to tell all of their secrets to others. 

Also, some sense of distance is necessity for the relationship as well.

>> Also, some sense of distance is a necessity for the relationship as well.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124188 What kind of pollution personally bothers you most? Why? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-15 1308
124187 gap ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-15 1132
124186 Is salary a major priority you have when looking for a job? ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-12-15 891
124185 International language ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-15 864
124184 Where is the most amazing place you have been? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-15 1
124183 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-15 810
124182 When can stress be a good thing? Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-12-15 1331
124181 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 2
124180 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 0
124179 HOMEWORK: Complete the sentences below. Demonstrative adjectives... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 2
124178 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 1061
124177 Homework(12/14) ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 0
124176 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 959
124175 Cooking or baking? What¡¯s more fun? What¡¯s more difficult? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 1050
124174 My little dog ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 1707
124173 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 0
124172 The three adjectives best describe amusement park. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 1055
124171 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 0
124170 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 743
124169 five ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-14 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04