¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What have you experienced as the benefits or detriments of being in unity with others?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2022-08-11 675

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I worked for a Japanese bank, the atmosphere was quite different from Korean companies.
My previous job didn't have cooperation work.
Through this job, I got to realize the benefits or detriments of being in unity with others.
First, the biggest benefit of being in unity is that I can learn from team members, and I don't have to take the blame for a mistake.
Because I dealt with all problems by myself and didn't share my jobs with others, I couldn't have questions about what I was struggling with.
Furthermore, all mistakes I made were my shares. I couldn't even make an excuse for my mistakes.
However, there are advantages of this kind of work, as well.
I could have freedom without hesitation from my seniors.
In addition, I didn't have to take part in meet-ups.
In other words, I could finish my work fast when I worked hard because I ain't be prevented from others who failed to meet a deadline.
In conclusion, being in unity with others has both advantages and disadvantages.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

This is awesome, Cleo! I am really impressed! Please apply the corrections in your essay next time to make it formal. For example, avoid the use of contractions. Turn 'don't' to 'do not'. Use 'did not' instead of 'didn't'. -Faith-
When I worked for a Japanese bank, the atmosphere was quite different from Korean companies.
>> CORRECT
My previous job didn't have cooperation work.
>> My previous job did not have cooperation.
Through this job, I got to realize the benefits or detriments of being in unity with others.
>> CORRECT
First, the biggest benefit of being in unity is that I can learn from team members, and I don't have to take the blame for a mistake.
>> First, the biggest benefit of being in unity is that I can learn from my team members, and I do not have to take the blame for a mistake.
Because I dealt with all problems by myself and didn't share my jobs with others, 
>> In fact, I dealt with all my work problems by myself and could not share them with others.
I couldn't have questions about what I was struggling with.
>> I could not ask questions about what I was struggling with.
Furthermore, all mistakes I made were my shares. 
>> CORRECT
I couldn't even make an excuse for my mistakes.
>> I could not even make an excuse for my mistakes.
However, there are advantages of this kind of work, as well.
>> However, there are advantages of this kind of work, too.
I could have freedom without hesitation from my seniors.
>> CORRECT
In addition, I didn't have to take part in meet-ups.
>> In addition, I did not have to take part in meet-ups.
In other words, I could finish my work fast when I worked hard because I ain't be prevented from others who failed to meet a deadline.
>> In other words, I could finish my work fast when I worked hard because I was not prevented by others who failed to meet a deadline.
OR Specifically, I could finish my work on time because others would not get in a way of meeting my deadline.
In conclusion, being in unity with others has both advantages and disadvantages.
>> CORRECT

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122770 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 1902
122769 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 2296
122768 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 1
122767 My style ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 1
122766 What do you think of cosmetic surgery? Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 2332
122765 What can you say about foreign students staying in South Korea... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 2070
122764 Hello ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 3273
122763 free ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 1858
122762 Is cancer a health problem concern for most people in your... ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 0
122761 What is your opinion about the exposure of children on... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 2821
122760 10.03.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 2
122759 10/4 ¼Û*ö ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 2077
122758 What winter sports do you know? Have you done any? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-04 3
122757 Smoke ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 2182
122756 How do you see yourself 10 years from now? Kindly answer in not... ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 2
122755 10/3 À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 2353
122754 What do you regret doing and want to apologize for? ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 2
122753 How do you start your day? ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 1728
122752 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 1963
122751 How can make children have habit to eat healthy food? ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-03 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04