¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What have you experienced as the benefits or detriments of being in unity with others?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2022-08-11 811

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I worked for a Japanese bank, the atmosphere was quite different from Korean companies.
My previous job didn't have cooperation work.
Through this job, I got to realize the benefits or detriments of being in unity with others.
First, the biggest benefit of being in unity is that I can learn from team members, and I don't have to take the blame for a mistake.
Because I dealt with all problems by myself and didn't share my jobs with others, I couldn't have questions about what I was struggling with.
Furthermore, all mistakes I made were my shares. I couldn't even make an excuse for my mistakes.
However, there are advantages of this kind of work, as well.
I could have freedom without hesitation from my seniors.
In addition, I didn't have to take part in meet-ups.
In other words, I could finish my work fast when I worked hard because I ain't be prevented from others who failed to meet a deadline.
In conclusion, being in unity with others has both advantages and disadvantages.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

This is awesome, Cleo! I am really impressed! Please apply the corrections in your essay next time to make it formal. For example, avoid the use of contractions. Turn 'don't' to 'do not'. Use 'did not' instead of 'didn't'. -Faith-
When I worked for a Japanese bank, the atmosphere was quite different from Korean companies.
>> CORRECT
My previous job didn't have cooperation work.
>> My previous job did not have cooperation.
Through this job, I got to realize the benefits or detriments of being in unity with others.
>> CORRECT
First, the biggest benefit of being in unity is that I can learn from team members, and I don't have to take the blame for a mistake.
>> First, the biggest benefit of being in unity is that I can learn from my team members, and I do not have to take the blame for a mistake.
Because I dealt with all problems by myself and didn't share my jobs with others, 
>> In fact, I dealt with all my work problems by myself and could not share them with others.
I couldn't have questions about what I was struggling with.
>> I could not ask questions about what I was struggling with.
Furthermore, all mistakes I made were my shares. 
>> CORRECT
I couldn't even make an excuse for my mistakes.
>> I could not even make an excuse for my mistakes.
However, there are advantages of this kind of work, as well.
>> However, there are advantages of this kind of work, too.
I could have freedom without hesitation from my seniors.
>> CORRECT
In addition, I didn't have to take part in meet-ups.
>> In addition, I did not have to take part in meet-ups.
In other words, I could finish my work fast when I worked hard because I ain't be prevented from others who failed to meet a deadline.
>> In other words, I could finish my work fast when I worked hard because I was not prevented by others who failed to meet a deadline.
OR Specifically, I could finish my work on time because others would not get in a way of meeting my deadline.
In conclusion, being in unity with others has both advantages and disadvantages.
>> CORRECT

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
118704 What makes you happy? Why does it make you happy? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-05-03 1
118703 I think it¡¯s important to keep going. ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-03 212
118702 But it\'s my personality :) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-05-03 144
118701 My favorite is traditional books:) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-05-03 191
118700 My best experience ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-05-03 170
118699 Nowadays, a lot of offices employ open-space designs instead of... ±è*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-03 153
118698 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-03 164
118697 What is your definition of success and failure in life? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-03 148
118696 Shoes È«*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-03 194
118695 2022.5.2 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-05-03 177
118694 What is traveling for you? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-03 1
118693 Look around your house and make two (sentences) using: 1. There... ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-03 274
118692 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-03 3
118691 If you can recommend a Korean dish to a foreigner, what would it... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-05-03 198
118690 5/2... ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-02 117
118689 What can you say about the roles played by villains in any... ÁÖ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-05-02 151
118688 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-05-02 2
118687 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-02 0
118686 Why do you think people have pets? ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-05-02 223
118685 Would you ever consider having your parents live with you when... ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-02 186

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04