¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What have you experienced as the benefits or detriments of being in unity with others?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2022-08-11 844

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I worked for a Japanese bank, the atmosphere was quite different from Korean companies.
My previous job didn't have cooperation work.
Through this job, I got to realize the benefits or detriments of being in unity with others.
First, the biggest benefit of being in unity is that I can learn from team members, and I don't have to take the blame for a mistake.
Because I dealt with all problems by myself and didn't share my jobs with others, I couldn't have questions about what I was struggling with.
Furthermore, all mistakes I made were my shares. I couldn't even make an excuse for my mistakes.
However, there are advantages of this kind of work, as well.
I could have freedom without hesitation from my seniors.
In addition, I didn't have to take part in meet-ups.
In other words, I could finish my work fast when I worked hard because I ain't be prevented from others who failed to meet a deadline.
In conclusion, being in unity with others has both advantages and disadvantages.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

This is awesome, Cleo! I am really impressed! Please apply the corrections in your essay next time to make it formal. For example, avoid the use of contractions. Turn 'don't' to 'do not'. Use 'did not' instead of 'didn't'. -Faith-
When I worked for a Japanese bank, the atmosphere was quite different from Korean companies.
>> CORRECT
My previous job didn't have cooperation work.
>> My previous job did not have cooperation.
Through this job, I got to realize the benefits or detriments of being in unity with others.
>> CORRECT
First, the biggest benefit of being in unity is that I can learn from team members, and I don't have to take the blame for a mistake.
>> First, the biggest benefit of being in unity is that I can learn from my team members, and I do not have to take the blame for a mistake.
Because I dealt with all problems by myself and didn't share my jobs with others, 
>> In fact, I dealt with all my work problems by myself and could not share them with others.
I couldn't have questions about what I was struggling with.
>> I could not ask questions about what I was struggling with.
Furthermore, all mistakes I made were my shares. 
>> CORRECT
I couldn't even make an excuse for my mistakes.
>> I could not even make an excuse for my mistakes.
However, there are advantages of this kind of work, as well.
>> However, there are advantages of this kind of work, too.
I could have freedom without hesitation from my seniors.
>> CORRECT
In addition, I didn't have to take part in meet-ups.
>> In addition, I did not have to take part in meet-ups.
In other words, I could finish my work fast when I worked hard because I ain't be prevented from others who failed to meet a deadline.
>> In other words, I could finish my work fast when I worked hard because I was not prevented by others who failed to meet a deadline.
OR Specifically, I could finish my work on time because others would not get in a way of meeting my deadline.
In conclusion, being in unity with others has both advantages and disadvantages.
>> CORRECT

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
121473 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1221
121472 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 900
121471 Aside from the USA, which country do you want to pursue your... ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1
121470 homework À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 783
121469 Post a picture of a famous landscape that you have been to or... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 982
121468 Have to ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 2
121467 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 2
121466 Rain ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1188
121465 What is the best assets? ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 957
121464 homework ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1041
121463 homework ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 4
121462 Describe a journey that didn\'t go as planned ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 2
121461 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 961
121460 Child\'s aspirations Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 2
121459 Do you think English should become an official language in your... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 0
121458 Do you think bilingual or multilingual people can succeed more... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 0
121457 Make a sentence using the following words: 1. second 2. learn 3.... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 782
121456 8/9 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 767
121455 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 1042
121454 If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-09 1342

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04