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영작교정 게시판

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We are often told that \"you can’t buy happiness\". If you were richer, do you think you would be ha

작성자: 권*원
2022-08-09 761

회원님의 영작문

I think money is needed for happiness.
If we don't have at least money to have meals and wear clothes, we can't think that we are happy now.
But if we have enough money to live daily life, our thought is more important to be happy than the money.
That's why every rich person isn't necessarily happy.
For example, one of the daughters of a previous Samsung owner committed suicide, even though she was the richest person in South Korea.
She broke up with her boyfriend because her parents didn't like him.
She felt frustrated because she realized she don't have freedom.
She got to think about her life negatively and even decided to commit suicide.
For this reason, money isn't a condition of happiness.
Thinking positively is a condition of happiness, and the proper freedom is needed to think positively.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Ji Won. It is always sad to hear about suicide stories. I agree with your opinion and being wealthy would still leave a person feeling empty. I am always looking forward to reading your thoughts on different subjects. Again, great job!^^ I hope you are having a good night. See you in our next class. ~Jane c", 


I think money is needed for happiness. 
>> CORRECT =)

If we don't have at least money to have meals and wear clothes, we can't think that we are happy now. 
>> CORRECT =) 

But if we have enough money to live daily life, our thought is more important to be happy than the money.
>> But if we have enough money to live our daily lives, we will think it is more important to be happy than have a lot of money.

That's why every rich person isn't necessarily happy. 
>> CORRECT =) 

For example, one of the daughters of a previous Samsung owner committed suicide, even though she was the richest person in South Korea.
>> CORRECT =) 

She broke up with her boyfriend because her parents didn't like him. 
>> CORRECT =) 

She felt frustrated because she realized she don't have freedom. 
>> She felt frustrated because she realized she doesn't have freedom. 

She got to think about her life negatively and even decided to commit suicide. 
>> CORRECT =) 

For this reason, money isn't a condition of happiness. 
>> CORRECT =) 

Thinking positively is a condition of happiness, and the proper freedom is needed to think positively. 
>> Thinking positively is a condition of happiness and the proper freedom is needed to think positively. 


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