¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

We are often told that \"you can¡¯t buy happiness\". If you were richer, do you think you would be ha

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2022-08-09 738

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think money is needed for happiness.
If we don't have at least money to have meals and wear clothes, we can't think that we are happy now.
But if we have enough money to live daily life, our thought is more important to be happy than the money.
That's why every rich person isn't necessarily happy.
For example, one of the daughters of a previous Samsung owner committed suicide, even though she was the richest person in South Korea.
She broke up with her boyfriend because her parents didn't like him.
She felt frustrated because she realized she don't have freedom.
She got to think about her life negatively and even decided to commit suicide.
For this reason, money isn't a condition of happiness.
Thinking positively is a condition of happiness, and the proper freedom is needed to think positively.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Ji Won. It is always sad to hear about suicide stories. I agree with your opinion and being wealthy would still leave a person feeling empty. I am always looking forward to reading your thoughts on different subjects. Again, great job!^^ I hope you are having a good night. See you in our next class. ~Jane c", 


I think money is needed for happiness. 
>> CORRECT =)

If we don't have at least money to have meals and wear clothes, we can't think that we are happy now. 
>> CORRECT =) 

But if we have enough money to live daily life, our thought is more important to be happy than the money.
>> But if we have enough money to live our daily lives, we will think it is more important to be happy than have a lot of money.

That's why every rich person isn't necessarily happy. 
>> CORRECT =) 

For example, one of the daughters of a previous Samsung owner committed suicide, even though she was the richest person in South Korea.
>> CORRECT =) 

She broke up with her boyfriend because her parents didn't like him. 
>> CORRECT =) 

She felt frustrated because she realized she don't have freedom. 
>> She felt frustrated because she realized she doesn't have freedom. 

She got to think about her life negatively and even decided to commit suicide. 
>> CORRECT =) 

For this reason, money isn't a condition of happiness. 
>> CORRECT =) 

Thinking positively is a condition of happiness, and the proper freedom is needed to think positively. 
>> Thinking positively is a condition of happiness and the proper freedom is needed to think positively. 


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
118824 Writing Task (May 6th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-05-08 51
118823 Writing Task (May 5th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-05-08 55
118822 Writing Task(May 2nd, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-05-08 98
118821 5/6 writing homework is here ^^ ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-07 151
118820 [Homework] 2. Where you live ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-07 3
118819 Do you like to travel by airplane? / How old were you when you... ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-07 1
118818 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-07 96
118817 5/6 HOMEWORK (IT\'S... ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-06 70
118816 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-05-06 2
118815 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-06 102
118814 Right? ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-06 2
118813 Generation gap ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-05-06 95
118812 What were you afraid of as a child? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-06 87
118811 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-06 82
118810 What is your opinion about the effects of language barrier... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-06 250
118809 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-06 81
118808 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-06 52
118807 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-06 62
118806 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-06 67
118805 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-06 64

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04